Melissa's Miscellany

Paused for thinking

2010-06-03T12:28:00.000-04:00

My first instinct would be to apologize for neglecting this blog as much as I have been these past few months, but I won't, because I haven't been posting for a reason. I needed a break from it, both for blog and non-blog related reasons. On the personal front, it's been a chaotic few months. I'm now settled in my new apartment with my lovely roommate, and I'm nearly done preparing for my first exam and already thinking about the next one--an immense amount of work nearly accomplished. My editing project has met with some serious crises, and we're still just figuring out how to solve those problems. My partner's mother passed away quite suddenly almost three weeks ago, and I'm now preparing for a 10-day learning trip to Victoria and Vancouver. All of those things aside, though, if I had really wanted to work on the blog, I could have found the time.

I didn't try to. And that's kind of the point here. I stopped feeling the incentive to make the time to write here, and I'm starting to figure out why. I think the blog needs a new focus, something that I'm hugely passionate about so that I continue to feel the desire and the excitement to share things with you. And the thing that I want to do the most, outside of spend time with the people in my life and do my job, is cook. I know that there's been a fair amount of food-related posting on here from the beginning, but it's time for a total change. Melissa's Miscellany is going to become a food blog. And not only that, but a natural-foods driven food blog. I'm not trying to become 101 Cookbooks, but cooking with whole foods, natural ingredients, and avoiding things like sugar and white flour have become extremely important to me. It's not even just because they're good for you--they present challenges in cooking and baking that I get such satisfaction out of rising to.

So that's my news for now. I'm doing a course on digital editing at UVic for the next week, and then I'm taking three days to check out Vancouver, and while I'm on the west coast, I'm going to do more thinking about how to make this change, and what this blog will look and function like going forward. I've already got some amazing recipes to share with you, like my chocolate-coconut-cherry layer cake, my whole-wheat linguine with shrimp, lemon, and greens, and some incredible orange-almond cookies (made without flour, sugar, or eggs). Upcoming recipes will include a pear-frangipane tart, vegan banana bread, gourmet popsicles (pineapple basil? lemon mint?), blood orange-almond cake, and more. Thanks for being patient with me--I promise that you'll be rewarded in the end with a great blog and a happy blogger. And if you're one of the people who knows me outside of the blogosphere (especially my partner and my roommate, my favourite taste-testers), I promise you this--you'll get fed .

--Melissa

Girlcrushing: Marion Cotillard on Funny or Die

2010-03-10T23:24:00.001-05:00

Forehead Tittaes w/ Marion Cotillard from Marion Cotillard

Quick Clip: Dar Robinson does the CN Tower (with Chuck Norris?)

2010-02-26T18:08:00.002-05:00

Cute, if reductive...

2010-02-26T16:47:00.001-05:00

Loves it...

While I should be studying...

2010-02-19T21:41:00.000-05:00

Alas, dear readers, you're going to have to put up with lame-bloggerness until at least the beginning of May. The deal is this: I'm writing my first comprehensive exam. What does this mean, you ask? I'm sure I've explained this before, but a recap is always good. It means that I need to read and remember a list of 100-odd texts (poems, novels, essays, plays, books of theory and criticism), and then spend three days regurgitating what I've read in creative and insightful ways. It is, in a word, rough. And it is, in a word, soon. May 5-6 and the week following, to be exact, but when I'm also teaching, editing a book, applying for funding to edit a digital archive, attempting to start an academic journal, moving (more on that in a moment) and attempting to have a life, time is tight. Hence, blog suckage. So, instead of real posts, you will get lists, videos, songs, maybe recipes, and then some seriously kick-ass, thoughtful-as-hell posting come the end of May. 'Cause oh, I forgot to mention, I'm spending two week at Trent after my exam doing editing classes. Sigh. I'm bloody well nuts.

My friend Nav on new ways mobile technology lets us engage with where we live. Could also be titled "Why Melissa wishes she had a smartphone, although she can't afford one."
An exciting addition to my repertoire of cookery websites: the French version of AllRecipes, Marmiton.org. Duck confit shepherd's pie, anyone?
My crazy-cool new apartment building, circa 1965. Did I mention that I'm moving back to Toronto? Like, tomorrow? I'm maybe a bit too excited, but I really do miss the city to bits, and living in the 'burbs is silly when I spend six out of seven days downtown anyway.I'm now walking distance to the library I spend most of my time at, as well as both my salsa and yoga classes. And how fun is it that I can see Casa Loma from my shower?
Go see An Education. Even though I'm not British, an ingenue, or dating a 35-year-old man (wait, scratch that. I am, but I'm not 17), it really felt like it was about parts of my life, especially the age-old question all academics face: What's more important? More school education, or more life education?
I spend inordinate amounts of time at the John W. Graham library. Where else can you spend ten hours a day curled up in an armchair in front of a fireplace, and not feel like an "I'm still at home in my jammies at 2 pm" slacker?
AG, otherwise known as my boyfriend (Yes, dear readers, I have invited a male of the species back into my life. Wish me luck.), is a big tea drinker, and he's introduced me to a new favourite which goes by the wonderfully loopy name of Beautiful Foolishness. Coconut, berries, white tea and citrus, made by Tea in the Sahara, a local company. Oh so good. AG picked it up somewhere in Roncesvalles, but I'm hoping to find a new stash closer to home.
You will wear these shoes and refer to yourself as Mary. Just watch this.
I bought real dishes yesterday. Honest-to-goodness china department at The Bay dishes. They're Sophie Conran (daughter of Sir Terence) for Portmerioion, and they're gorgeous. Dear, but gorgeous. I got the white, because you can't convince me that anything other than white is good for everyday (it's all about how the food looks on the plate), but I think I might have to get a few random pieces of the blue-green for fun. It is my favourite colour, after all.
Salsa class is a hoot. Maybe it's because most of the class is made up of women and gay men (it's an LGBTQ class run out of the local university), I don't feel like an idiot looking like an idiot, or having sweaty hands, or stepping on people's toes, and so it's just fun. And I'm actually starting to get the hang of it, which is a big deal for klutzy old me.

The Four Horsemen

2010-02-09T14:00:00.002-05:00

I'm currently working on a lecture on bpNichol, Michael Ondaatje and Gwendolyn MacEwen, so I thought I'd share a video of Nichol performing with his sound poetry group "The Four Horsemen." Toronto was so cool in the 70s. Not that it's not cool now, but I generally do work on the Toronto poetry scene in the 1950s, when it was sincerely uncool.

TTC Trip Planner

2010-01-24T11:39:00.000-05:00

The TTC is due to launch its trip planner website later on this week, and Spacing seems to have found the pre-launch version online here. I gave it a go with the route I'll take from my new apartment (if I get the one I want, fingers crossed; won't find out until Feb. 1 at the earliest) to school, and it performed perfectly. I've been using the Crazed Monkey TTC map for a long time now, but the TTC trip planner has the benefit of telling you how long a trip will take, along with what routes you'll need. City of Mississauga transit, which I used regularly as a teenager, has something similar called Click'nRide, and I'm excited to see that Toronto is finally doing the same. Now if only the major GTA transit systems could come up with an integrated system for those of us who occasionally, or regularly, travel across city boundaries, we'd really be getting somewhere!

Proper post to come, I swear

2010-01-23T12:07:00.001-05:00

I don't know what happened, but the blog just kinda' fell off the map this month. There's been a lot going on which I'll give you all a quick update on in lieu of a proper post, which is coming (on Margaret Atwood, the new decade, The Globe and Mail, and Canadian nationalism. Stay tuned.)

My editing project is ramping up big time. I'll deliver 5 polished chapters on Monday, and I'm hard at work at securing copyright permissions and finding people to write essays. If you're an Ernest Buckler scholar, please post a comment with your contact information because I'm looking people to author articles on The Mountain and the Valley for a new critical edition.
I'm currently playing mom to a 140 lb St. Bernard named Kubota (after the tractor company). He's a handful. He hasn't destroyed the house, but he's very high energy for a St. Bernard, and he's HUGE! He also sheds like nobody's business, so I'm currently covered in both his hair and my own. Fun times. It is nice to pretend to have a pet for awhile, although I don't think I'll be wanting one of my own anytime soon.
Looks like the SSHRC is a no-go, which I'm actually kinda' pissed off about, as my proposal was really very good this year. However, I did just find out that the modernism consortium that I'm affiliated with is offering a $20,000 PhD fellowship. I'm all over that one! They've also got a postdoc program; I'm keeping that in mind for when I finish. I'm so lucky to have been supervised by who I was in my Masters; besides being brilliant and a lovely person, he opens so many doors. I also need to look at the Northrop Frye Centre fellowship; money, and dedicated office space at UofT? Sounds good to me!
After all sorts of wild and crazy dating stories that will not be shared online, things have settled down considerably, and I've been seeing someone who I really like for awhile now. And like the person I went on a few dates with who grew up on my childhood street, we're connected in ways that we didn't initially realize, but never ran into each other. Toronto really is a small place.
The moving back to the city plan is progressing nicely; my good friend Sonia is in need of a new roommate, and that's going to be me. We're off to see four apartments today, and hopefully one of them will be a winner. I'm voting for the one that's upstairs from our friend Katie, although she's going to kill me when I start pestering her to study for her comp (we're writing the same exam at the same time) and can do it from three feet away.
My formerly-ensconced-in-Berlin friend Mariecel is home for good (or at least for the foreseeable future), which is fantastic. It kinda' feels like she never left! Now if we can get get her husband Jan here (he's in the process of immigrating from Germany) and get her jerky ex to drop off the face of the planet, all would be well!
The (ex)hubby and I had a nice catch up last week; I'm very proud of us for how well we've handled this whole thing. The divorce will be final sometime this summer, and it'll be nice to have it all finalized. People continually ask me if my experience has made me rethink the whole concept of marriage, and I have to say, it really hasn't. In my case, the issue wasn't marriage, but the specific person I was married to. I think I'd like the chance to try again and maybe get it right when I'm a bit older and wiser.

Alright--off to play "let's imagine what it would be like to live here" for a few hours. Hope we find a good fit!

2010: The year of....

2009-12-31T11:29:00.000-05:00

passing both of my comprehensive exams, one in April (Canadian), and one in December (Modern)
learning to run and running at least one 5k (the Bread & Honey, in June)
getting a SSHRC? We'll keep our fingers crossed on that one
writing a coherent collection of poetry and getting some of it published
working on my still-very-hazy cookbook concept
moving back to the city and NOT moving again during 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012, if I can manage it.
avoiding unnecessary drama in my personal life and enjoying it instead
travelling as much as I can afford to (Montreal in April and maybe again in May, possibly England in August)
actually playing my guitar, rather than letting it sit in its case
continuing my ongoing project of learning to relax, have fun, and be productive at the same time

Sounds like a good year to me!

Query

2009-12-28T23:26:00.002-05:00

To what extent is blogging your goals for the New Year likely to make you attempt to achieve them? Or to what extent is blogging your goals for the New Year likely to embarrass you?
I feel like this one might need some kind of pie chart. The goals get a graph. Seriously. I am that OCD. But this is coming from the girl who has a fully worked out 12-highlighter colour-coding system, so you shouldn't really be surprised, now should you?

Quick Clip: FlashMob Glee

2009-12-24T18:36:00.003-05:00

I know, I know, video overload. I promise I'll stop, after one more. Two of my favourite fun times: flashmobs and Glee. Jumpy claps!

For the Record: Classic Christmas Cheese

2009-12-24T14:05:00.001-05:00

What, you didn't think that I'd let Christmas pass without the necessary dose of Christmas cheese, did you? Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" never fails to put me in the Christmas spirit; Hayley and I belt it all December long. Nothing more festive than big hair and white go-go boots!

Quick Clip: The Last Goodbye at Summerhill

2009-12-22T14:22:00.000-05:00

Aw. See the story about this short film on Torontoist here.

Yuletide Tradition: The Swedish Chef

2009-12-21T12:33:00.002-05:00

I'm sure I've mentioned on here before how crazy and ridiculous my family is at Christmas. This year, there will be 25+ of us on Boxing Day, which is our big Christmas celebration. We get into all sorts of nonsense, which in the past has included a dramatic reenactment of my Nanny's life, interpretive dance, people in their twenties playing hide-and-go-seek, and of course our ritual walk to the park and play on the swings. But one of my favourite Christmas traditions is my cousin Jeff's Swedish Chef impression. It's "eggnog coming out of your nose" funny. I'll leave you with the original, but I swear, Jeff is funnier.

Recipe: Mushroom Parmentier

2009-12-21T11:18:00.002-05:00

Saturday night was our department's annual holiday shindig, and it was oodles of fun and silliness. Just how we like it. We being the social committee, of which I am one-third, who decided that it would be more cost-effective and less stressful to hold it at someone's apartment rather than having it at a bar as we did last year. Now the opportunity to embarrass ourselves singing karaoke at The Gladstone did add a certain je ne sais quoi in 2008, but I liked this year's better. Not only was the party great (almost everyone spent Sunday nursing a considerable hangover, which is the sign of a job well done, and many people didn't head home until at least four), the day spent cooking and getting ready was lovely and cozy: the perfect non-academic bonding time with people I like and who I don't get to see enough of. Five us of got together on Saturday morning and between us, we shopped, cooked, moved furniture, assembled the perfect party playlists, and then drank three bottles of wine, ate pizza, and played Trivial Pursuit. What other choice did we have, being so efficient that we were completely prepared for guests at 5:30 when the party didn't start until 8:00?

We decided to keep the menu entirely vegetarian, as there are a fair few vegetarians and vegans among us, and it seemed easier not to require people to worry about what was in their food when they were too busy having a good time to care. Along with homemade spanakopita and olive tapenade, Kristen made a delicious looking lasagne that I did not sample, as I was saving my appetite for a recipe which I've been meaning to try for awhile: Laura Calder's Mushroom Parmentier. In English, it is better known as mushroom shepherd's pie. It was, in a word, scrumptious. How could something that consists largely of potatoes, mushrooms, red wine, and butter not be delicious? I made the recipe vegan by substituting soy milk and margarine for the milk and butter, and omitting the cheese; I'm sure it will be even more delicious in its original form. And it was the easiest thing in the world to make.

If you haven't seen Julie & Julia yet, and you like food, do give it a watch, even if only for this one piece of advice: don't crowd the mushrooms. It is the key to this dish, and to any dish with mushrooms, really. Treat them like meat: give them space to brown so they won't steam, and you'll be pleased every time. I've given the recipe in its original form below, but I've also added the substitutions/omissions I made to veganize it in brackets.

INGREDIENTS:

Filling:

2 lb. assorted mushrooms: cremini, shiitake, portobello, oyster, porcini, but not button
3 tbsp butter (v: lactose-free margarine)
2 tbsp olive oil, more as needed
1 large red onion, finely chopped
3 cloves of garlic, minced
A handful of chopped fresh thyme leaves
1/2 cup red wine
1/2 cup vegetable stock or water
Salt and pepper
1 tbsp flour
A handful chopped fresh parsley

Potato topping:

6 medium floury potatoes (anything labelled 'baking potato' usually works well)
2 to 4 tablespoons butter (v: lactose-free margarine)
1/4 cup milk (v: plain soy milk)
Salt and pepper
4 oz grated Comté or Gruyere cheese (v: omit, or substitute soy-based cheese)
2 tbsp Parmesan cheese (v: omit, or substitute soy-based cheese)

INSTRUCTIONS:

Clean and quarter or slice the mushrooms. Heat two tablespoons of the butter/margarine with one tablespoon of the olive oil and sauté the mushrooms until cooked and golden. Don't be afraid to jack the heat up quite high, and use two pans if you need to; if they start to release their juices, you need to turn the heat up and give them more room. Remove.
Heat the other spoonful of olive oil (adding more if you need it) and sauté the onion until soft. Add the garlic for one minute. Deglaze with the wine and reduce to no more than a spoonful. Add the stock, the thyme, and the mushrooms, season with salt and pepper, and cook until the stock has reduced by half.
Knead together the flour with the last tablespoon of butter/margarine and stir it in. Cook until the liquid has thickened to a sauce--this will be brief. Stir through the parsley. Spoon the mixture into a gratin dish.
Meanwhile, peel the potatoes, cut them into pieces of roughly the same size, and boil until fork-tender. Drain and mash with the butter/margarine and (soy)milk until very smooth, adding more (soy)milk if needed. Season with salt and pepper. Stir through the grated cheese. Distribute evenly over the mushroom mixture, and smooth with the back of the spoon. Sprinkle over the Parmesan if you're into cheese, which I certainly am.
Heat the oven to 425°F. Bake the gratin until bubbling hot and golden on top, about 15 minutes. If you're worried that the centre won't be hot, test it by inserting a knife and holding it there for a few seconds. If the knife comes out hot, it's ready.

For the Record: The Temper Trap/Arcade Fire

2009-12-15T17:08:00.002-05:00

No reason for posting these, other than I love them.

Culture on the Cheap

2009-12-15T14:31:00.002-05:00

I'm a student. I'm poor. But I still love the chance to partake in all of the great cultural activities that Toronto has to offer. Hence the fact that, if for no other reason, the students discount I get at all sorts of places makes my continued poor-student status valuable. Take the Toronto Symphony Orchestra for example. Until I'm 35, I get $12 tickets. Twelve dollars. That's cheaper than going to the movies. So you can imagine how excited I was to get to go see Philip Glass, one of my favourite composers, on Wednesday night. Actually, I wasn't all that excited after the performance--I feel like he's losing his touch, or else he's done what he can with his particular brand of minimalism and needs to move on--but the first piece, Christopher Theofanidis' Rainbow Body, was fairly fabulous. And yes, the cheering is supposed to be there--Theofanidis wrote it into the score after an early performance.

Another great cheap Toronto cultural fix is Soulpepper; a couple of school friends and I are going to see Civil Elegies on Wednesday, which I've been wanting to see for ages. Check out the video preview, if you get a chance. It's getting great reviews. And Soulpepper is right next to SOMA chocolatemaker, which means that I will definitely be arriving early and making a pitstop. I love this city.

Gaga for Nerds

2009-12-01T14:13:00.001-05:00

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better...

2009-11-30T22:38:00.003-05:00

I'm a little obsessed with Stephen Fry's Twitter feed (www.twitter.com/stephenfry), and just when I thought it couldn't get funnier, I found this: www.twitter.com/mrsstephenfry. I'm going to have an aneurysm, I'm laughing so hard. God, I love that man. The blog--http://mrsfrysdiary.blogspot.com/--is pretty hilarious too.

Colin Take 2

2009-11-30T22:14:00.001-05:00

For the Record: Bon Iver--"Skinny Love"

2009-11-30T19:28:00.002-05:00

This is from probably my favourite album of all time--Bon Iver's For Emma, Forever Ago--and while I know that I've talked about it on here before, if you haven't got it, you must get it. It never gets old. How have I still not seen them live?

For Belinda, Adrina, and Mariecel

2009-11-30T19:27:00.001-05:00

You're welcome!
Update: video has been removed. I'll find you another one, I promise. It was really that good.

Today's Lessons

2009-11-14T18:26:00.002-05:00

Backing into someone's car doesn't have to be a tragedy, especially when they're your super-nice neighbours.
The properties of a can of paint are truly magical.
When you spend your life in your head, a day of manual labour is always a good idea.
Patience really is a virtue--it keeps you from driving your neurotic self insane.
Nothing smells better when I'm hungry than my sister's homemade tomato sauce on the stove.
Chocolate milk isn't just for kids.
Sometimes, The Man isn't out to screw you. Case in point: Adam Giambrone extending the student discount on Metropasses to university students. Finally!
Staying at home on a Saturday night and catching up on a week's worth of missed TV is only lame if you think it's lame.
People still have the ability to suprise me, and most of the time, it's in a good way. The world isn't going to hell in a handbasket after all.
No, your parents will never understand your taste in music. "Mel, is your CD skipping? Oh, no, wait...that's just how it sounds." Animal Collective and Bibio have been on deck for most of the day.

For the Record: J. Tillman

2009-11-12T09:17:00.004-05:00

I caught the J. Tillman show at the Horseshoe last night, and it was an entertaining change to see him play live. Cancer & Delirium in particular is the epitome of mellow singer-songwriter indie, but there were some high-energy "wall of noise" moments last night that were a good antidote to too much mellow. It must be nice to be both the drummer of a fantastically popular band (Fleet Foxes), and have a successful solo career. And probably all the women he can handle. One day, I too will have my dream career...or not.

On Dating

2009-11-08T13:28:00.006-05:00

In the decade since I was last single (I've been in two long-term relationships, pretty much back-to-back, since I was 16), the dating scene seems to have changed somewhat. No longer is it enough just to be places, to go out and meet people. No--for a lot of people, that's too relaxed, too casual, too scary. Getting rejected in person (or getting up the courage to talk to someone new) is too much of a risk to take, unless you're too schnockered to care. Dating people at work also seems to be off-the-table for a lot of people. For me, it could get kinda' hairy, as everyone knows everyone, everyone gossips about everyone, and if things go bad, there's no way out (which isn't to say that it isn't done, because it is, but discretion is the key phrase here). That and pretty much everyone is either living with someone, married, gay, or the mysterious upper-year who no one has ever actually met, which leaves a grand total of about one person I'd be interested in. Singles cooking class/pottery class/birdhouse-construction class is a whole 'nother issue, and I don't go to church. In a world where we no longer have traditional small-town community events and culture to bring people together, we have to do it ourselves, and the options are endless. And as so many things have, dating (by which I mean meeting people) has moved online. I don't know how I feel about that.

Being the good little grad student postmodernist that I am, I'm highly skeptical of the ability to convey a sense of my all-too-fragmentary self in 1000 characters and three photos. And how am I able to trust that others have any ability to do it either? When I get to the point of reading other people's profiles, which is better: the person who writes as much as possible to try to compensate for the inability to effectively introduce themselves over a data connection? Or the person who doesn't even try, either because they realize the futility, or because they can't be bothered? And all of this is not even accounting for the fact that people lie, which compounds issues of self-representation. It takes a fair bit of trust, and a fair dampening down of the judgmental aspects of oneself, to make online dating work.

A nice thing about bars is that they only hold so many people. A dating site could ostensibly hold every single person on the plant. It is incredibly overwhelming! At any given moment, there are thousands of men online (thank goodness I'm limited to one gender, or this would be doubly overwhelming) who fit the most basic of my criteria. I thought that online dating would be a time-efficient way to meet people, which is why I'm trying it despite my skepticism--and it is, as long as I don't actually do anything, by which I mean sit back, relax, and let people come to me. If I were to actively browse through all of the people who meet my criteria (and the issue of setting criteria is another contentious one), it could turn into a full-time job.

Yes, online dating is slightly weird, and fraught with complication, but then, what aspect of dating isn't? And it seems to work on some level. I met someone a couple of weeks ago who not only seems smart and thoughtful (we've only been out once), but who grew up not only in my neighbourhood, but on my childhood street. And we probably would never have met if not for the online factor. Signing up for a dating site also gets rid of some issues that go along with conventional dating, like the always tricky question of when an outing with a single person of your preferred gender is just an outing, and when it's a date. Everyone has at least that card--I'm not here just to make friends--on the table. And being the visual/verbal person that I am, it's nice to be able to easily weed out people who can't string together a coherent sentence with two hands and a flashlight.

Despite the endless list of things that I could be making a big deal about, mostly it's just fun to be doing this again. What am I saying--for the first time. I've never done the "dating" thing (i.e. just trying out a bunch of different people), and I like that I get another chance now, when I'm so much better at meeting new people and trying new things than I was when I was really young. I'm also much better at being relaxed about things than I was when I was younger: I meet someone, I meet someone. I don't, I don't--I'm perfectly happy on my own. And I'm not looking for Prince Charming, 'cause he doesn't exist. So I'm just going to have some fun, and who knows what will happen when I'm not paying attention?

Remember, Remember

2009-11-05T19:48:00.001-05:00

A yearly tradition...

For all you Mad Men fans

2009-11-04T09:30:00.002-05:00

Ouch!

2009-11-03T12:24:00.000-05:00

I think I might have mentioned Yann Martel's "What is Stephen Harper Reading?" project on here before; he's recently turned it into a book. I came across it during my SSHRC research (he recommends Frye's The Educated Imagination). I haven't looked at most of it, but Nathan Whitlock evidently has, and is sincerely unimpressed. His disdain is highly entertaining: An open letter to Yann Martel - thestar.com

Big sigh

2009-11-01T20:28:00.002-05:00

Oh man, am I glad that this weekend is over. How did it get so crazy?

As I posted earlier in the week, my friend Mariecel's dad was murdered last weekend; she grew up where I did, but moved to Germany a number of years ago with her husband, who is German. She was here for a visit when her dad died, along with two of her four children. Her husband's employer wouldn't give him enough time off for him to come, so I stepped in as support person for two days of wake and the funeral, burial, and lunch on Saturday. I'm so glad I could be there for Mariecel, but it was emotionally draining, especially due to a stunt that the father of her oldest daughter pulled at the reception after the burial. What kind of asshole serves someone with custody papers at her father's funeral? I couldn't believe it.

Along with being with Mariecel as much as I could, I also volunteered to house/dogsit this weekend for my aunt and uncle, who took the kids to Ohio for my cousin's cheerleading competition. I love dogsitting (surrogate pet ownership ranks up there with OPKs--all the fun, none of the responsibility), but I do admit that their dog is a handful. He's a very (very very) large, very energetic St. Bernard who is still pretty much a puppyl. He's not very good around other dogs (he gets way too excited), so all walks involve some level of Boda wrestling, and he weighs 140 lbs. Luckily I'm both strong and bloody stubborn, so he didn't get away with anything, but it was a good workout. I'm pleased that his only expressions of annoyance were eating a newspaper and a box of multiplication flashcards (he was peeved that I wanted to sleep in), and we had fun. Slobbery fun.

Today was slightly more restful, with yoga class and my cousin Liz's baby shower, but I'm so behind on my marking. And my editorial work. And research for my Shakespeare essay. This is definitely one of those weeks when I'm looking forward to Monday so that I can catch a break! And Tuesday, as I have a date. More on that later; I think I need a full post to deal with the bizarre sociological experiment otherwise known as dating. Wish me luck--I haven't gone on a date (as in, not a date night with someone I'm dating/engaged to/married to) in almost six years.

'Why?'

2009-10-26T21:16:00.003-04:00

Something truly awful happened yesterday to the father of someone I care about. And maybe the worst thing about it is that the question of why it happened--to him, or at all--is a question that might never get answered.

But we ask it anyway. What else can we do?

How well is this thing going to fly?

2009-10-22T20:16:00.003-04:00

So, I've gone just slightly off my rocker with my final class seminar presentation. Ever. Halleluiah! Praise the Lord! But to get myself through it, I've done something that might not be so smart.

Here's some context. York requires you to take one 3-credit (one term) course in literature that fits into the pre-1798 period. I, of course, not being remotely interested in things pre-1798, left it to very last, and I'm fulfilling that requirement with Shakespeare's Histories, which actually is pretty good. But here's the thing:

a) I don't want to be doing this.
b) I haven't taken Shakespeare since second year.
c) My last exposure to it was teaching Grade 10 English.

So what did I do to cut myself some slack? Came up with perhaps the most random seminar topic I've ever thought of, and certainly the most random that I've ever allowed myself to actually submit. All because I felt like writing about things that I know and enjoy. And what did that turn out to be, you might ask? Here's my title:

The Chosen Ones: Archetypes of Heroic Leadership in 2 and 3 Henry VI as Understood Through A Mirror for Magistrates and J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter.

Yep, you got it right. Late Medieval parables, Renaissance drama, Northrop Frye, and Harry. So you can see why I'm wondering, as I finish my PowerPoint presentation (it makes all ideas sound less insane. Something about the fancy templates)--how well is this going to fly? I guess we'll just have to wait and see!

Column Envy

2009-10-20T22:04:00.007-04:00

Everything All The Time @ Hart House from NOW Magazine on Vimeo.

I want to steal the Torontoist's music column title: Sound Advice. Good, eh? Today's is an EP I think I need: Everything All the Time by (wait for it) Everything All the Time. Not to be confused with the Band of Horses album. The columnist compared one of their songs to Anathallo, which is always a good thing in my books. And the list continues to grow--my credit card hates me. But iTunes loves me!

PS-My procrastination is really obvious, isn't it? Oh, well. I hate to be predictable, but sadly, I just am.

Phoenix: Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix

2009-10-20T21:04:00.004-04:00

So I was reading this article in The Globe and Mail (I always read the Facts & Arguments column, although it's often not very good, but it's just what I do) and at the end, thought to myself, "Hmmm...that Phoenix band sounds promising. Must go check them out." Then I remembered that some friends had music they wanted to share, went to check it out, and lo and behold, there was Phoenix's Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix.

I've only had it for about 20 minutes, but this is good! Love Like a Sunset II is amazing--I've pasted a video for it below. And there's an Animal Collective remix? Must go find. Oh, how I love good music. Makes the world a better place. Now if only I wasn't dead broke, tired, and trying to write a 25 minute seminar on archetypes of heroic leadership in 2/3 Henry 6 and Harry Potter as understood by Northrop Frye (can you tell that I'm trying to make this a little less painful by randomly inserting things I like to write about into a Shakespeare seminar?) in time to go out on Thursday night (seminar is due to be presented Friday morning.) This helps, though.

The only reason I want Twitter right now?

2009-10-18T21:36:00.003-04:00

So that I can procrastinate on my SSHRC/OGS revisions by Twittering about the hell that is SSHRC/OGS revisions without pissing off everyone I know with hourly Facebook status updates. I think my SSHRC is getting better, but what if I'm wrong? Night-before-major-deadline anxieties are the absolute worst. And I've now just totally reworked the centre section of my SSHRC, which means that I have to go back and rework most of my OGS (a one-page version of the two-page SSHRC, for those of you who will be lucky enough never to be tortured by this process.) Whose brilliant idea was it to make people write a dissertation proposal before they've even finished their courses? Oh, right, the government's. Of course.

Things with which I am currently obsessed...

2009-10-17T14:59:00.003-04:00

Fringe--my dad loves it, and I started watching it from the beginning of Season 1 a few weeks ago. So fun! And Joshua Jackson is, as always, one of the two most interesting and attractive male actors to come out of Canada. Naturally, the other is Ryan Gosling. Which reminds me; I must buy Dead Man's Bones when I get paid next. Just in time for Hallowe'en!
Radiohead's Amnesiac--I can't get enough. I never get tired of it. I've been listening to it for years (it came out in 2001), but I keep coming back to it in ways that I don't do with a lot of other albums.
Tetley tea--this is not a recent obsession (more like a life's obsession), but when I'm stressed and working, it's like being wrapped in a baby blanket (or rereading Pride and Prejudice).
My new boots--sure, they make me about eight-thousand feet tall (more like 6'1", but still), but they are the most ridiculously comfortable things in the world. And they're hot.
Glee--Love. So much. You can judge me all you want, but watching incredibly talented people flirt, fight, dance, and sing their asses off is totally my bag, baby. If only my high school years were so interesting...

Gah! Sigh... Okay.

2009-10-16T12:25:00.002-04:00

Gah!: I spent the day yesterday having meetings about my students' first paper and journal stuff, and in between meetings, I did some serious work on my SSHRC, as I had finished the reading I needed to do and was incorporating it into my proposal. The end of the day comes, I save it, email it to myself, and prepare to work on it at home. Get home, open the file--it's an old version. Somehow, my revised version didn't get attached to the email. Come to school in the morning, log onto the computer in my office (which is shite, by the way)--no new version. Somehow, revisions didn't save, and I have to start again. I'm blaming it on the computer, although it was probably somehow my fault.

Sigh...: At least I'm big on drafting on paper--all of my notes, brainstorming, preliminary paragraphs are in my Moleskine. Thank goodness. I'm not stuck in Humpty Dumpty land--it can be put back together again. And at least I've got time.

Okay: So having to rewrite is a good thing. I can't write anything well first time around, and rewriting means that it's turning out better than it did the first time--sharper, better organized, and more articulate. Disaster turns into an advantage.

Still--anyone up for a bottle of wine tonight? I could sure use it.

Mintz: My dinner with Sarah Polley

2009-10-15T15:41:00.001-04:00

Nav and I were having a bit of a blog debate about the merits of Corey Mintz, the Toronto Star food columnist who took over while Amy Pataki was on maternity leave. Nav likes him; I wanted Amy back. Well, Amy is back now, and Corey is doing this. And this, I like:

Mintz: My dinner with Sarah Polley - thestar.com

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Restoration in a Bowl

2009-10-13T12:52:00.004-04:00

I'm a bit of a soup junkie in the winter. I try to make a big pot of something good at least once a week, and then eat it for lunch until it runs out. An old classic is what we call Kitchen Sink Soup, which entails throwing all of the vegetables we've got lying around in the fridge and pantry (broccoli, green beans, carrots, onion, sweet potatoes, peas, cauliflower, squash, pumpkin are all good) into a pot, covering with vegetable broth and sometimes a can of tomatoes, simmering until everything is tender, then pureeing with an immersion blender and thinning it out with milk if necessary. Doesn't get any easier than that.

My new classic is a mash-up between Giada di Laurentiis' Calamari Stew and Heidi Swanson's Lively Up Yourself Lentil Soup. From Giada, I add wine, garlic, and chili flakes to the tomato-based broth, and from Heidi I beef it up with lentils or chickpeas and finely chopped kale. You can serve it plain, or topped with Parmesan cheese or Heidi's saffron yogurt. After a Thanksgiving like I had, a week of eating this for lunch should be a good counterbalance. And who can argue when it's totally delicious and makes you warm and happy?

Note to self: seriously need a better camera if I'm going to keep doing this food blogging thing. Heidi's photos put me to shame!

Ingredients:

1 onion, finely sliced or diced
1 tbsp. olive oil
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 c. white wine
1 28 oz. can San Marzano or San Marzano style tomatoes, pureed
1 tbsp. doppio (double concentrated) tomato paste
5 cups chicken or vegetable stock
chili flakes, salt and pepper to taste
2 cans chickpeas, rinsed and drained, or 2 cups cooked lentils (see note)
1/2 head curly kale, ribs removed and cut into bite-sized pieces

Instructions:

Heat the olive oil over medium-low heat and saute the onions until they're soft and golden.
Add the garlic; cook it only for a moment so that it doesn't burn.
Add the white wine. Let it bubble away for a minute or two to cook off the alcohol, then add the tomatoes, tomato paste, and stock. Give it a good stir, taste, and season, adding as much chili as you like.
Let the broth bubble away for a few minutes, then add the chickpeas or lentils and kale. Give another good stir.
Once the chickpeas/lentils are heated through, the soup is ready to serve.

Note: To use lentils instead of chickpeas, combine 2 cups of green, beluga or de Puy lentils (they won't turn to mush) in a pot with 6 cups of water. Simmer until tender, about 20-30 minutes. Drain and add to the soup.

There's so much you can do to play with this soup: add toppings like cooked grains, flavoured yogurt or sour cream, or roasted vegetables; change up the spices (smoked paprika? cumin? oregano?); change the legume (kidney beans? split peas? fava beans?); change the vegetable (chopped green beans? Swiss Chard? peas? broccoli florets?). The one thing I wouldn't change is the type of tomatoes: using San Marzano tomatoes (imported from Italy) or San Marzano-style tomatoes (grown in Canada) makes a huge difference to the flavour. I use Unico brand San Marzano-style, and since we've started cooking with them at home, we've vowed never to stop. They're that good. We buy cans of whole tomatoes and then I either crush them with my hands, or buzz the immersion blender through them. The doppio tomato paste comes in a tube, and we buy it at the local grocery store.

Design Change

2009-10-11T23:57:00.001-04:00

Thoughts?

How to Get a Date 101: Stay Off the Pill?

2009-10-10T21:47:00.005-04:00

Headline: "Is the Pill giving geeks an unfair chance?"

According to The Globe and Mail, a study done by the University of Sheffield (hmmm...not exactly Oxbridge, are they?) has shown that "by doing away with ovulation, a woman's most fertile phase, the Pill may...make women less attractive to men." It could also make women "more likely to pick provider types over aggressive, masculine specimens – a course that could potentially affect the health of their children."

This article troubles me in so many ways. First of all, the health of a child (a child that someone is not conceiving, being on birth control) depends on a woman meeting and mating with some Cro-Magnon type who has more testosterone than brain cells? Yowza! What kind of people are we attempting to breed here? I happen to like geeks, thank you very much, and would much prefer smart children to brawny ones. Apparently, in the "this is your brain on the Pill" scenario, women are more likely to choose partners who resemble their family members, thus potentially leading to dangerous inbreeding. Umm, excuse me Freud? So I'm not allowed to have sex with tall dark-haired white men just in case they happen to be somehow distantly related to me? Sorry guys, but I kinda was married to one of those.

Secondly, I'm supposed to not take the thing that allows me to have sex without worrying about getting knocked up (and considering that I'm bloody poor and still in school, that's a scenario I'm so not interested in) so that I can mesmerize some guy into sleeping with me through voodoo and ovulation pheromones, but then have to worry about getting knocked up? These scientists actually seem to believe that a woman's myriad personal charms (both physical and intellectual) are somehow cancelled out by some subconscious animalistic male desire to procreate. And their big set of data? Strippers who are ovulating get tipped more. Now I don't know about you, but I didn't realize that tipping strippers and choosing a girlfriend were equatable activities. Most guys I know aren't about to bring a stripper home to meet mom, whether she's ovulating or not.

And what's the Globe's critical stance toward this load of crap? "Critics say the research cited in the current paper glosses over a litany of social, cultural and individual factors that help determine partner choice today." Thanks, Globe. Nice of you to point that out. And we wonder why we don't yet have a cure for cancer--precious research money is going toward this sort of nonsense. And newspapers report it like it's actual news. Why am I surprised?

Night at the Theatah: Antigone

2009-10-10T11:24:00.004-04:00

I don't know why I haven't done this more often. Soulpepper, which is a local (and really good) theatre company, performs at the Y oung Centre in the Distillery District. (A post on the awesomeness that is the Distillery District will be coming soon, once Katie, Hayley and I head over there for an afternoon of Mill St. beer, Soma chocolate, and ogling fancy kitchen gadgets we can't afford.) While their tickets are not cheap ($45 for the best seats, $28 for students), their rush tickets are a serious bargain: show up an hour before the show starts, take a number, and get a ticket for $20. How can you go wrong?

Katie invited me to go see Antigone last night, which my friends Thom and Margo had already seen and liked. I won't tell you the story--you can look it up easily enough, as it has been around since 442 B.C.--but the concept is enthralling: how do you as a viewer choose sides when the people in conflict are both clearly, in some way, right?

The production, in the words of The Globe and Mail's J. Kelly Nestruck, "deliver[s] exactly what you want from a tragedy." I'm not convinced. While Antigone is supposed to leave you wondering what the best choice is--personal conviction, or the greater good--Liisa Repo-Martell is so obviously wrong as Antigone, and R.H. Thomson so obviously right as Creon, that the choice is made for you. You agree with Creon, because Antigone can't convince anyone, least of all herself. If she had been played differently, or by a different actor, the tension would have been compounded, as would the tragedy of the story. As it was, I came out enthralled with Thomson and excited to see more productions with him in it, but unimpressed with Martell.

Along with Thompson, the set was fantastic, although there were some serious blocking issues (at one point, Martell delivers a crucial line with her back to the audience and Thomson's face obscured by her head. Did they not think it was important for us to see what was going on?) Black-panelled walls, a few chairs and a desk, a bench, moody lighting, and a closed-circuit security system. That's it. Tragedies are simple--as the Chorus tells us, they're peaceful because there's no hope to drive us crazy--and the set really played that up.

I love going to the theatre, and last night was a perfect example of why. Go see! Can't wait to see Civil Elegies. Toronto's first poet laureate Dennis Lee (of Alligator Pie fame) on "the heart of what Canada was, is and could be."

Phosphorescent: Cocaine Lights

2009-10-08T19:54:00.003-04:00

Another obsession; the Bon Iver-esque harmonizing at the end (not in the video, but on the album version--it's on Pride) gives me shivers.

Patrick Watson: Where the Wild Things Are

2009-10-08T19:41:00.001-04:00

I'm using an iPod Shuffle @ the moment, and it seems to keep coming back to this song. I'm a little obsessed. And why isn't it on the film sountrack, Spike, answer me that?

How to Hibernate a Brain?

2009-10-07T22:10:00.002-04:00

I got a text message from my friend Sindy today, who just started her M.Ed., asking me for concentration tips. I'm the wrong person to ask, sweetie.

Two nights now, gonna be three, I fear, I've been tossing and turning more than a green salad and a grilled cheese sandwich. I cannot make my brain shut up. Normally I'm pretty good at not doing things that are completely counterproductive, but this I can't shake. Yes, I know that academics are stereotypically neurotic, but Zombieland is becoming in the world in which I live.

So, dear readers, any tips on how to hibernate a brain?

What the hell...

2009-10-06T17:57:00.003-04:00

...happened to The Star website?

...is going on with Mayor Hazel on Regis & Kelly?

...is the point of having greater iPhone distribution if Rogers is still going to charge me $500 to upgrade to one?

...is the Liberal party doing?

...is wrong with the world when Mad Men has to worry about ratings?

Simple Guacamole

2009-10-05T13:16:00.010-04:00

In a Facebook quiz last week, my friend Jared was asked what my favourite food was; he replied that he didn't know, but it was probably something that I made myself. So true. My favourite foods are always ones that I've perfected at home (aside from steak; my steak is never as good as a really good restaurant steak, but that's mostly a budget and equipment problem). I don't have one favourite, but my current front-runner, which has held this position for quite awhile now, is my guacamole. I can't remember exactly what got me started, but dozens upon dozens of repetitions of the recipe later and tweaks here and there, I've perfected it. Well, perfected my version at least, since there are as many guacamole recipes as there are days in a year.

Mine has the benefit of being simple (five ingredients, and it takes less than five minutes to make), fresh-tasting, and it doesn't go brown in the fridge. Don't ask me why--it probably has something to do with the combination of lime zest and vinegary Tabasco sauce--but it means that you don't have to make it immediately before you want to serve it, like you do most versions. My favourite way to eat it is spread on FinnCrisp, but it's also delicious with tortilla chips, or as a topping for burritos, fajitas, and burgers. I make a really good California-style chicken sandwich with guacamole, lettuce, tomato, red onion, and chipotle-marinated grilled chicken breasts.

While avocadoes are high in fat, but it's the good monounsaturated fat. Most of the fat in my diet comes from avocadoes, olive oil, and nuts, so I don't sweat the fact that this isn't exactly low in calories. It's healthy and absolutely delicious, which is why we always have a bowl in the fridge. We have been known to have guacamole crises chez Melissa--that's how much we love the stuff. The recipe only requires one specialized piece of equipment: a Microplane grater. I use it to zest the limes and mince the garlic; the recipe doesn't really work without it, although you could peel the limes with a vegetable peeler, and mince the garlic and the zest extremely finely with a knife.

Ingredients:

3 medium ripe avocadoes
2 limes
1 clove of garlic
1/4 tsp. sea salt
2-4 dashes of Tabasco sauce or to taste

Instructions:

Zest the limes into a bowl; use the same grater to grate the garlic
Add the Tabasco sauce (just enough to make the guacamole taste warm, but not hot), salt, and the juice of both the limes: stab the cut halves with a fork and twist until you get all of the juices and a bit of the flesh out
Pit the avocadoes by running your knife around through the skin and around the pit lengthwise, twisting to open, and removing the pit by tapping it with a knife and then turning the knife to release
Scoop the flesh of the avocadoes into the bowl with a spoon
Using your lime-y fork, mash the avocadoes with the lime/garlic/Tabasco mixture until it forms a knobbly puree. It shouldn't be smooth, but still slightly chunky and flecked with green and creamy yellow
Refrigerate until you're ready to eat it, although I'd be diving it at this point; it tastes best at room temperature, as do most foods, so take it out a bit before you want to serve it

Needing (Re)Vision...

2009-10-01T22:07:00.002-04:00

Oho! Post 400! Happy birthday to the Miscellany. What more appropriate time to lament the Miscellany's current need for some serious revisions. Well, mostly just a new look. The old template has served me well, but it's time for an update. I'll try to make time for it sometime in the next few weeks; I'm not willing to give up the three-column layout, however, which limits my choices somewhat. We'll see what happens.

On the SSHRC front, I completed a draft I'm not ashamed of, and that made at least one person (Denise, god love ya!) say that she would instantly give me money based on the first two sentences. We'll see if the committee agrees. I doubt it. However, I've still got two weeks to get feedback and revise; if any of you would care to read it and give me your opinions, I'd be eternally grateful.

Busy weekend ahead. Journal mixer chez Sonia tomorrow night to get everyone working on it starting to know each other, blood donor clinic, and then Jeffy D's 26th birthday extravaganza on Saturday night, followed by drunken wandering around Nuit Blanche exhibits, little sleep (albeit of the highest quality at a swank downtown hotel, mind you), and greasy breakfast. You heard me right--I'm skipping yoga for brunch. The weekend of living dangerously.

And on that note: thank heavens it's two hours to Friday. I need me a break. And a massage. And a vacation. Two weeks to Reading Week. I hate the university president with the fire of a thousand suns, but at least he gave us a second reading week. Small mercies.

Articulating a Vision

2009-09-27T21:30:00.002-04:00

I've spent most of the weekend doing one thing: working on the proposal for my doctoral dissertation that I'll submit to SSHRC (Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council) and the OGS (Ontario Graduate Studies) in a bid for funding that will get me through my PhD without either a) living with my parents, b) subsisting on Kraft dinner or c) going into serious debt. The proposals are only two and one pages long, respectively, but they are some of the most difficult writing I will ever do. Period. And that includes my dissertation.

The pressure factor is definitely one reason why the proposal is so difficult to write. How well I articulate my vision for my doctoral project determines how much--or if any, more like--money these councils will be willing to give me. The most I could hope for is $35,000 a year for three years; OGS is more like $15,000, but either way, this is serious funds. It's also a career thing; having a SSHRC means that you're capable of attracting funds, and departments want to hire people who can bring in money. The more money goes around, the more people the department can hire and admit, and the better everything goes.

The other factor in the difficulty of writing the SSHRC is trying to crystallize--down to the word, or the syllable--exactly what it is you want to do, how you're going to do it, and why it's important. Not only that, but I have to communicate this in two pages to someone who isn't in my field; the person who reads this might be in Fine Arts, or dance. But it has to make sense to them, it has to sound like I have a plan, and it has to sound like what I want to do is worth doing. Now, I don't know about you, but a history of the mythopoeic group of Canadian modernists isn't likely to cure cancer, but I need to make it sound like it's important all the same.

Taking to the blogs seemed to be the breakthrough for me this weekend, along with the very articulate proposals of some of my friends and colleages, and a good long session of yoga. In attempting to communicate exactly what my proposal was arguing in a comment on Nav's blog (a crystallized form of communication if there was one), I hit on being able to say exactly what my project is about, in one or two sentences. Now all I have to do is expand on it, and I'm doing not a bad job at it. I'm lucky in that my proposal is going to make its way to a bunch of the smartest people I know (a.k.a. my profs and my other friends who are doing the same thing), and they're going to make it much better than I'm capable of. And hopefully, fingers crossed, this may mean that I have some chance of getting something. The odds are slim--I'm not exactly competing against dunces here, you know?--but I can hope.

Aside from working on my SSHRC, I've also been working on that other exercise in crystallizing a vision: conference abstracts, a.k.a. here's the paper that I want you to let me give at your conference in 500 words or less. I submitted one yesterday for a panel at NEMLA (North Eastern Modern Language Association), which is in Montreal on my next birthday, and I found out today that I can indeed interpret American as North American and submit a Canadian paper for another panel at the same conference. NEMLA is the baby cousin of the granddaddy of all conferences, the MLA, which is being held in Los Angeles in 2011. If I could manage to present at the MLA before I graduate, I would be, in the words of Elizabeth Bennet, well pleased indeed. NEMLA should be a good starting point. I'm also working on fixing up a class paper for publication; if it does get published, it would be in a graduate journal, which people tell me is a waste of time (spend your effort where you get the most prestige seems to be what they're saying), but we'll see. I still have to decide if it makes sense to send it there, or to see if there's somewhere better.

So, that was my weekend. Birthday parties invited to: 2. Birthday parties attended: 0. Sorry Denise and Margo! But I feel like I've got my ideas (somewhat) straight, and I'm on the path to that elusive thing, effectively articulating my vision. Let's see if the adjudicators agree with me. And this, non-academic friends, is what we spend much of our time doing. Be glad it's not you. I love it, but it drives me nuts all the same.

Random Amusement

2009-09-25T23:23:00.002-04:00

Two amusing incidents from today:

1) I'm taking my final course at our smaller campus, which for some reason is overrun with senior citizens on Friday mornings. Today, I was standing at the bus stop after class, obviously waiting for the bus. Two shrunken, hunch-backed, four-foot-tall octogenarians walked over to wait with the rest of us, and began talking. What was their subject of conversation?
"This one pair was almost two-thousand dollars, you know?"
"Pair of what?"
"Boots! They come all the way up your thigh. Up here." She gestures to about the spot where the hem of a mini-skirt would hit.
"Really?"
"It a new...fashion...thing. They're fashionable."
"All the way up there?"
Octogenarians discussing hooker boots. Awesome. Even funnier because I knew exactly why they were discussing them, which was this article from the Star, which I was picturing them reading yesterday morning.

2) I'm walking toward the library after class; I'm downtown by this point. I hear a buzzy motor noise, and look over to see what it is. What is it? A middle-aged man, not exactly svelte, wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and socks with his shoes, tattooed legs, beer belly proudly out front, riding a purple dirt bike down St. George St. with the wind blowing through his hair. Not a regal purple--shocking, bright, Barbie and My Little Pony purple. Also awesome.

And so, my friends, goodnight.

Romance in France

2009-09-25T22:51:00.003-04:00

Kerry MacGregor is a 33 year old reporter for the Toronto Star who is skipping town to embark upon a romance in France with a university professor she dated for nine days. Is she crazy, or crazy romantic?

I'm not sure how I feel about her decision, and I think that movies have something to do with it. I'm a pretty adventurous and impulsive person (I have been known to move to another country on a whim--for real--although it wasn't for love, and I did have a concrete time-line of when I was coming back), but I don't know if I would do it for a man. Part of it is that the whole idea sounds like the plot of a cheesy romantic comedy a la French Kiss--would I want my life to resemble a Hollywood cliche, as much as the idea sounds exciting? It would be nice to say that I don't give a damn about what the world thinks of me, but on some level I do. If I didn't, I probably wouldn't brush my hair and would wander around in my jammies all day. I think the other part is perhaps a bit of cynicism on my end, which I hate to think I have, but I'm sure I do: what happens if it doesn't work out, which statistically it won't, and you have to come to no job and no apartment with a broken heart? Is it worth it to take that risk?

On the other hand, wouldn't you regret it more not to have seized the opportunity, disastrous as it might be? In the end, I think that's what would make me decide to do what Kerry is doing--if I didn't, I would always wonder "what if," and it would drive me nuts. There's also this: as much as I'm a rational and realistic woman, I do, and forever will, believe in love--the kind that's real, that changes lives, that makes you try to be a better person, that will be work but that will last. It might be a myth created by diamond companies and Hollywood studios (oh, and Harlequin romances, which are published in my fair city) and religous doctrines that espouse monogamy, but I can't help believing in it just the same, cynicism be damned. And even if everyone thought I was nuts, which they surely would, I think the possibility of real love might just be worth crossing an ocean for. I'm not a proponent of happiness at any cost, but I do think that we all have the right, and the responsiblity, to make ourselves as happy as we can without turning into selfish jerks; flying to France to take a chance on a relationship doesn't sound like it violates that criteria to me.

I don't know if my response would be the same as Kerry's if it were me; it's not me, it probably never will be, and so I won't know. It's a big chance to take, and I'd be leaving a lot behind. But it's nice to think that there are still people in the world, as messed up as it is, who are willing to trust and take chances, as risky as that might be. Good luck!

Another bulleted post

2009-09-17T20:49:00.002-04:00

Just because I'm tired. And there are too many meetings right now. I've got meeting-itis. It's worse than when I worked in an office. Anyways, the list:

Rhianon and DaemonQ are now the lucky parents of Soren (yes, he's shares a name with Kierkegaard. Awesome, eh?), who is gorgeous, sweet, happy, and all around lovely. I don't know if this is a woman thing (let me know if it's not), but there's nothing quite like a little warm lump of sleepy baby cuddled up on your chest. Heaven! Until your arms get tired, that is. Which is why I love OPKs (Other People's Kids): you can give them back!

Tutorials round two is down; Class One is a bit of a dud. Not that they're unintelligent; they just don't seem to care. They probably need more caffeine. Class Two, however, is awesome: they have great ideas, they're super engaged, they're smart, and they care. Let's hope Class One can take some pointers.

Les Comps, Part Un (a.k.a. CanLit) has been rescheduled for April. Huzzah! I can breathe once again. I could have gotten it done in time, but I don't want to look like an idiot when I have to half-ass the thing because I didn't have enough time, and I want to study with Katie, who has rescheduled for April too. Let's just hope it's not scheduled for the week of my birthday...

Kanye West is a douche. Obama gets my vote for calling him a jackass.

Nav@ What's For Snacks has offered to let me write a post about wine. First step: go buy some wine. And cook something that goes with it. Yep, that's going to have to wait for a bit. Perhaps post...

Family field trip to Niagara-On-the-Lake on Sunday, apres-yoga. Dontcha love that my family will drive an hour and a half for wine and fudge? I do! I'm all about the Irish Cream.

I actually feel semi-hopefuly about SSHRCs this year. Not that I have a chance, but it's nice to fantasize, right? I think I'm going to take a page out of a friend's book and spend the money (if I get it) on something really frivolous first that involves partying and sharing the wealth. Another friend bought a car and drove to the Yukon. We're such scammers.

My comps supervisor still thinks I'm crazy. I swear I've written a post about this before, but I can't find it. He has this look which seems to insinuate that you've either said something nuts, or your life is just nuts. On that point, he's kinda right. But that's how I like it!

I've decided that I'm anti-pants. I haven't worn pants in probably three months, and it's great! It totally sounds like I've been pulling a Lady Gaga for the last quarter, but sadly, no. She's outta my league (on that note: RIP Patrick Swayze). But still: holla for being girlie! I'm going to try to take a page out of my fun-loving, SSHRC-getting friend and hold out all winter. She makes herself hand-knit legwarmers; I'm not sure I'll go that far, but I did just buy some lovely boots that should do the trick. My bank account hates me.

I wish that my friend Carrie had a clone of her fiance. First, he surprise proposes to her in Greece. Then he takes her to Mexico. Then, he surprises her with a puppy for her birthday. And he's funny and makes killer pulled pork sandwiches. My ideal-boyfriend checklist is getting a bit unrealistic here. We're heading over to their place tomorrow night for a meet the puppy potluck. So cute! Saturday night is my aunt & uncle's anniversary party--luckily happy couples don't bug me. Unless they're undergrads macking on campus. Then they bug me. Come on!

And I need to shut up already and go to bed. Shakespeare in the morning, and my first try at the shuttle bus. Hope I'm not late...

Whirlwind Week I Recap

2009-09-11T20:21:00.003-04:00

Back-to-school! I missed it. I really did. Caveat: I did not miss the fact that undergraduates are not capable of walking in a straight line or not blocking other people as they try to get where they need to go. But I missed teaching and all that other jazz.

Tuesday: department meeting (boo U of T); department lunch (macaroni salad is gross); team meeting (teaching for my course director is going to be a hoot); orientation (new students are so cute! They all seemed really young, but they're probably not that young. Not enough men); Victory Cafe (oh, chicken club, how I love you even though chipotle mayonnaise is heart-attack on a bun); GO Bus (why did I decide to move to the suburbs again?); bed.

Wednesday: finish planning Thursday tutorial; finally figure out how to get photocopying done (sweet!); first lecture for the class I'm T.A.-ing (a cross between Canadian History and CanLit. Should be interesting--and dual purpose as prep for my comp); Glee! My favourite line: "My first suggestion would be that the offending students be sent to foster homes." My second favourite line: "That's the most offensive thing I've ever seen in my twenty years of teaching, and that includes an elementary school production of Hair."

Thursday: teach (second years are adorably confused. I make them tell quirky stories about themselves so that I'll remember their names--hilarious!); learn how to use the scanner in the office, which can't output the kind of file that I need it to; lunch; comp reading; teach (how did I get stuck in the sub-basement of the Nursing buildling? It sounds like a bad joke); try another scanner, which also can't do the kind of file I need; home; dinner; succumb to total exhaustion at about 9.

Friday: GO train to Union--subway to Davisville--bus to Glendon. Trip from home to class: about 2 hours. Dayum! Shakespeare lecture: combined graduate and honours fourth-year class. Easier for me? I hope so. Listen to a great lecture about many Richards and Henrys. Watch Kenneth Branagh promise to kick France's ass from here to next Tuesday over a box of tennis balls. Back downtown. Get snuck into an AMAZING SSHRC preparation seminar by someone who shall remain nameless because I don't want to get him/her in trouble. Read Henry V. Home. Swiss Chalet. Blog. Walk. Bed

Rinse. Repeat.

And about as far away from Glee as you can get....

2009-09-03T13:16:00.001-04:00

I really enjoyed the book (I enjoy just about all of Cormac McCarthy's books, as messed up as they are), so I hope I'm not disappointed. No Country for Old Men was amazing, but then, I trust the Coen brothers. We'll see!

Like pure white sugar for your mind

2009-09-03T12:49:00.002-04:00

I think I've written about my love of the new show Glee on here before, or at least I've posted a video clip from the pilot. The pilot (in a fairly brilliant marketing strategy) aired last spring, and Fox (I know! A decent show on Fox?) has been hyping it up all summer. Ratings for the pilot were at about 10 million, which is really very good. Unsurprising, as it aired immediately after American Idol, which is very popular but which is more like Drano for your mind--wipes out brain-cells in one fell swoop. Glee starts for real next week, and I can't wait.

As much as I slag American Idol, the audience for Glee will probably be made up of many of the same people who watch AI. Honestly, Glee is exuberantly unoriginal. It's really just a mashup of Bring It On, Grease, High School Musical, Hairspray, Mean Girls, and, interestingly, The Virgin Suicides. It's that last one (well, the last two) that makes it so refreshing. Yes, the characters are your typical high-school stereotypes: jock, nerd, disabled kid, diva, goth, cheerleader, band-geek, tormented gay kid. But it's the ability of the cast to realize that their characters are stereotypes, and move beyond it. They're not all fully three-dimensional, but it was a pilot, after all. Things always get better. And that Mean Girls/ Virgin Suicides hint of snark and darkness cuts through some of the sugar. The choice to emphasize that the adult characters are just grown-up versions of the highschoolers (Mr. Scheuster, the Spanish teacher/former star quarterback, and his wife, the ex-head cheerleader, still claim high school as the best moments of their lives) means that you've got two sets of characters to root for as they figure out who they want to be and how they want to get there.

The music is also a big part of the appeal of the show for me. As someone who can carry a tune but isn't super talented musically (I play four or five instruments, badly, and whileI love dancing, I'm not sure how good I am at it), it's so fun to watch people who are really good do their thing. They're a damn sight better than the normal suspects on American Idol, that's for sure. As an example of the amazing production values (each episode costs about $3 million to film, takes upwards of 10 days, and involves serious choreography), here's a clip:

Can't help but smile. Glee is super fluffy. I admit that. It's like cotton candy for my brain. But when life is as stressful as it is, and when the rest of my TV diet is pretty high-fibre (True Blood, Mad Men, Dexter, and House are about all I watch), a little sugar ain't gonna hurt. Bring on the cavities.

On turning into one's mother

2009-08-31T22:32:00.003-04:00

Having babies is exhausting. I wouldn't know, 'cause I've never had one, but waiting around for them to be born is pretty nerve wracking. Rhianon went into the hospital at 8:15 yesterday morning, and Soren (a beautiful--and nearly 10 lb--baby boy) wasn't born until 4:42 this afternoon. Damn! She is a trooper. And me, being me, spent the day worrying, hoping for the best but wondering if the worst had happened. Which of course it didn't, because babies are born every day, and in Canada at least it's pretty safe.

Which leads me to wonder the extent to which I am in danger of becoming my mother. My mom is worry-wart extraordinaire. She's the kind of mother who made me come in and wake her up when I came home at night as a teenager. The kind who, to this day, freaks out if I've taken the car somewhere she doesn't know about. Who assumes that if you're late for something, it's because you've crashed your car and you're unable to phone as you're in a coma. That kind of mother. Which can be great, because unlike some parents, she gives two shits (well, many shits), what happens to my sister and I. On the other hand, it means that I've inherited, at least a little bit, the worrying gene. Now, I don't think its unreasonable to be a bit concerned about a favourite person who has been in the hospital, and out of contact, for 36 hours, but then again, are worry-warts capable of determining what's reasonable? Je ne sais pas.

In other ways, I came thisclose to becoming my mother, and escaped by the width of a hair. For my mom, great as she is, is about the least adventurous person I know. My dad tells the story of our family trip to the east coast (our only family vacation, to my recollection. Part and parcel of the mom package); he drove around Charlottetown asking my mother to choose a local restaurant to eat in. She bypassed every last one, until they hit a Swiss Chalet. No fresh Maritime seafood for her, no siree. And this is a woman who is a quarter P.E.I. Acadian by birth. I ventured down the path of homebody scaredy cat in my undergraduate--I stayed at home--but then realized that I needed to snap the hell out of it if I wanted to have a remotely interesting life, and so moved to Japan. And Kingston. And Halifax. And Toronto. And I think I'm a much less scared, much more interesting person for it.

I'm going to have to keep an eye on the worrying thing. It won't do to assume that my friends have died a fiery death every time they're late for something, which they usually are. But there's no harm in being justifiably concerned, I don't think. Everyone needs a little looking-after once in awhile, and while I'm not a mother and may never be (haven't made up my mind on that one yet), it doesn't hurt to practice just a little.

Miscellaneous thoughts

2009-08-30T22:20:00.004-04:00

It's really sad when I'm too tired to stay up to watch Mad Men on Sunday night. The show starts at ten. This is what I get for going on a caffeine detox. On the upside, it means that I have both Mad Men and True Blood to look forward to tomorrow

Rhianon still has not had the baby, although she's been at the hospital since 8:15 this morning. Stubborn like his daddy, I tell you!

Nav at What's Next for Snacks (go read it: it's good) is making me crave brunch, but I don't know any good brunch spots in my new old town. Will have to rectify that situation

My nanny is getting old. She's 89, so numerically she is old, but she never really seemed it before. Sigh. Some change is not good

I should do a post sometime soon on where I'm living now. It's an odd sort of place--it's a village, but it's inside a big city. It has all of the characteristics of a great small town--a great little main strip with the town institutions like Murphy's ice cream and Ladner's clothing store, complete walkability, the Mariposa-like competing churches, the Bread & Honey festival--but it's contained by a city with a population of almost a million. My dad grew up here, my nanny lives here, and I've lived near here all my life, but this is my first time living right in it. If I have to live in the suburbs, which I do because I can't afford to live anywhere else right now, this is the place to be. There is nothing quite like sitting outside of the Cenotaph with everyone in town, eating ice cream and people-watching

I need to share my guacamole recipe with y'all, because if you like guacamole, you will love mine. I have nothing to say about it's authenticity, but it is simplicity itself, and extraordinarily delicious

I figured out tonight that out of the six grandkids on my dad's side of the family, three of us are going to graduate from university in 2012 (if I finish in four). Kinda' awesome!

And so, to bed

Les Comps &c.

2009-08-27T23:17:00.004-04:00

My life right now revolves around my upcoming comprehensive exam. It isn't until December, but when you've got over 100 books to read and learn to the point that you can write and speak about them (well, minimum 12 of them, but god knows which 12) with something between competence and brilliance, December isn't very far away. So, the blog will suffer, as I do (I'm a bit of a nervous Nelly when it comes to things of this importance), and you'll have to put up with sad little posts, or none at all. So, to usher in the era of being too busy and important doing other things, a list post:

The journal still doesn't have a name. Can we pick a bloody name already? We can't get an ISSN, or properly set up the website, until we choose something. I feel like I need to stop being democratic, start being totalitarian, and just make a decision. Monday. We will decide by Monday. And that's it!

I'm obsessed with Mad Men. The sex. The clothes. The drinks. The smoking. The sexism. The rampant materialism. Joan Holloway's body. Roger Sterling (I have a thing for older men). Everything about it is endlessly fascinating. I'm watching it while I work on my GA work, which is mindless XML coding--perfect! I'm about 3/4 of the way through Season 2, which means that I'll soon be caught up and reduced to watching it when it's actually on. Which will probably be better for my avoidance of procrastination project.

I'm learning how to sew. I have my own sewing machine, and my mother is a beautiful seamstress, but I've never learned properly. However, I purchased some rather expensive fabric this week to make pillows for my bed (beautiful wool on cotton crewel), and so I'm going to sew them myself. They better turn out nicely, as I splurged so much on the material.

Hayley and I are planning a weekend trip to Boston just after Thanksgiving. I've never been, although I have been around that part of the country before, and I'm looking forward to a bit of a break and some touristy fun. Any suggestions?

I can't believe that it's almost September already. It's freaking me out, honestly. I need to stop thinking about it. Luckily I'm not starting from scratch with my tutorial (I'm teaching Intro to CanLit, which is a variation on the course I taught this past year), Shakespeare should be a manageable amount of reading, and I am, even though I feel like I'm not, progressing well with my comp studying. However, September? Come on! We haven't even had a proper summer yet! I'm just not ready to get back into the whole whirl and grind of back-to-school. That said, I have no choice, so bring it on, I suppose.

Hiking awaits me in September. That is a definite upside. I adore hiking, and I haven't gotten to do any of the real stuff since I moved to the city. Now that I'm back, it's back to Saturdays on the trail, eating picnics on rocks, brewing espresso over a mini-burner, and reminiscing about the days when my dad smoked cherry tobacco and we'd stand and watch the turkey vultures. I have a lot of great memories of hiking with my family. And fall is, hands down, bar none, stamp it no erasies, the best season of the year. Sharp air, crisp leaves, the smell of wood smoke, the feeling of promise and new beginnings all around--Labour Day is my New Year's, no question about it.

Rhianon & DaemonQ are going to be parents on Sunday, if not sooner. If that's not exciting, I don't know what is, and in true teacher fashion, his mother has timed his birthday perfectly to correspond with the end of summer holidays. I get to be honourary Auntie Mel! And I'm desperate to know what Junior's name is going to be--we know that he's a he, but the name is top secret until he's out in the world and bawling his lungs out.

Reading Canadian authors and critics squabble and bicker amongst themselves is one of the best benefits of my studying. Davey vs. Lecker. Davey vs. Atwood. Davey vs. anyone, really. It's like an intellectual celebrity boxing match, but with essays instead of gloves. Highly entertaining, and educating, all at the same time. I just need to stop laughing like a loon in the library, 'cause people are starting to think I'm a bit nuts. It's the Bill
Bryson syndrome.*

September also brings the beginning of yoga classes. 12 weeks of them. I'm not much one for formal exercise sort of things (I walk my ass off--literally--among other things, but "hie thee to the gym" is a call which I will not answer), but I think yoga I can do, and I've got a buddy. I'm pretty damn inflexible at the moment (too much sitting at a desk, I think), and that whole bendy bobcat pretzel thing is a worthy goal.** Not that I'm aiming to be able to put my feet around the back of my head, or anything, but being less rigid than your average fencepost might be nice.

It is now way past my bedtime, and I have a day of Frank Davey bashing/analyzing, let me see if I can get this right: E.J. Pratt, Margaret Atwood, Gwendolen MacEwen, the Canadian long poem, postmodernism, thematic criticism, and a bunch of other things I'm sure I forget. And then I have to read James Reaney--poetry and drama. Without drinking coffee, because I'm on a strict 1 cup-a-day regime.*** Time to shut up already! G'night.

*See previous posts re: people looking at me like I'm having a sneezing fit in a SARS clinic when I read Bill Bryson in public. There are a few.
**This is a quote from "Two Weeks Notice," for those of you not up on your Sandy Bullock movies.
***Not to say that Reaney sucks, because he doesn't, despite what Thom thinks. But I might be editing a collection of Reaney's poetry at some point, and it would be a good idea to pay attention, I think.

A more interesting Metropass?

2009-08-17T15:41:00.003-04:00

Torontoist blogged today about the possibility of a more interesting Metropass; instead of the vaguely identifiable photographs of already-not-particularly-aesthetically-pleasing TTC stations, they may feature local art. Of course, the beaurocrats have to get involved and make the whole thing so much more messy than it necessarily has to be, but that's good ol' T.O. for ya. I guess my question is, how important is a pretty Metropass to people? It seems a bit like questioning the boring design of my debit card, but maybe I'm missing some hidden potential here.

On Milestones

2009-08-17T13:19:00.002-04:00

[I'm feeling philosophical, so skip this post if you're not interested.]

I know I'm at that age where everyone seems to be growing up all of a sudden, but it seems like there is a spate of serious growing-up activity going on this summer. People who I went to high school with are getting married in droves. Two of my favourite people are having their first baby any moment now-the first of anyone in my group of friends-and my eldest cousin is also pregnant with her first. Other friends are getting engaged, shacking up, and buying their first houses. And it feels...odd. What happened? When did we become our parents?

Me, on the other hand, I seem to be moving backward down the growing-up ladder of events. Was married, am no longer (in the practical, if not the legal sense). Was part of a couple, am no longer. (Single for the first time since I was sixteen years old--now that's a learning curve!) Was living on my own, am now once again living with my parents. Was part of the working world, am again a destitute student. Was to have been celebrating my first anniversary next week, will probably just get quite drunk. Was thisclose to buying a house, am now putting that on hold for quite a few more years. I've done, and then undone, so many of those milestone activities that everyone else seems to be doing. (Insert caveat here: this doesn't seem to apply to my PhD friends. There's something different going on there, which I think the penury of extended student-hood has something to do with.) So where does that leave me, in the world of growing up?

In pretty good stead, actually. I don't seem to be someone who can quite do things right the first time around. I didn't choose the right profession the first (or even second) time around; I'm on my third career (it was prefaced by teaching, and then publishing), and I seem to have gotten it right this time. I didn't choose the right neighbourhood for my first Toronto apartment-it was great while I worked in Don Mills, but I'd much prefer the Annex. I didn't choose the right university the first time around, although I fixed that with the second, third, and fourth (well, fourth with reservations. My current school is the lesser of two evils in the city in which I want to live and work, so I've got to deal with it, flaws and all). I've twice chosen partners who didn't work out in the long-term, although I don't regret my relationships with them for a second.

So doing everything I've done, and then undoing it, puts me in the position I've been in so many times before: I get a do-over. I get another chance at finding the right partner. I get another chance at finding the right job. I get another chance at finding the right place to live. I get another chance at finding the right life. And those "rights" might only be right for a little while, or they might be right for the rest of my life. If I've learned anything in the last five years--those five years being the most life-filled, exciting, scary, changeable, seminal years of my 27 and a bit--I've learned that change is good. And important. And necessary. Because it gives me yet another chance to reassess, move my life in the direction that I want it to go, and push me towards improving those aspects of myself that need improving. Which are many-potential suitors be warned.

So although I'm back at the beginning in terms of hitting those life milestones that society seems to think are necessary to claim the title of grown-up--engagement, marriage, house, kids--I've learned enough to know at least one thing that will forever be true: there's no such thing as a grown-up. We are all imperfect, uncertain, searching, and provisional, no matter how old, parental, responsible, or committed we are. And that's maybe the most comforting thought I can think of right now. We're all stuck in this messy boat together.

12 or 20

2009-08-10T21:00:00.002-04:00

I read Rob McLennan's poetry blog most days, and I've currently got a rating system going on whereby I mentally rank the poet who gives the most enigmatic/interesting answers to McLennan's "12 or 20 Questions" questionnaire. Currently, I think Charles Bernstein is winning, with Lisa Robertson coming in second. Erin Moure is pretty damn charming, though. I seem to enjoy the poets who answer the questions in the spirit of "these questions are useless" the most. Mean?

Vamps Part Deux

2009-08-10T20:19:00.002-04:00

This article argues that teenage girls love vampires because they're.....

Smart.

Oh yeah, that was the most important thing to me in my teenage crush objects. Brains. Guffaw. And now I'm going to go hide my head in shame as I recall my fleeting hangup on Leonardo DiCaprio. C'mon, didn't every girl love him circa Titanic slash Romeo & Juliet?

One Word Review: Julie & Julia

2009-08-09T22:11:00.001-04:00

Delicious!

Torontoist: How to Buy a House on the Toronto Islands

2009-08-07T16:52:00.003-04:00

I've been reading up on the process of applying to get on the list to be eligible to buy property on the Toronto Islands (a convoluted sentence yes, but so is the process) for a few months now, and Torontoist has now (sadly) published an article on just exactly how to go about it. Sadly, because those people who were kinda' interested but too lazy to do the research themselves now have an easy to-do list. Hopefully they'll be too lazy to fill out the applications!

The Islands would be just about the perfect place to live, I think: quiet, community-oriented, surrounded by beautiful water, close to beaches, largely car-free, both in- and outside of the city, and you really have to want to live there (so hopefully your neighbours appreciate it and keep the place up). The downsides are fairly considerable--limited amenities, some hassle with transpo, and the noise from the airport--but they're dealable. According to Torontoist's calculations, even if you get on the list in November (which isn't guaranteed), you're unlikely to be offered a property for another 35 years. Perfect! 35 years to save my pennies.

New "Wild Things" Trailer = Awesomeness

2009-08-07T16:40:00.003-04:00

Why Women Love (The Idea of) Vampires

2009-08-07T14:18:00.002-04:00

My friend Katie and I both watch True Blood, which is now the most popular show on television or something like that, every week. After the episode is over, we dissect it, largely focusing on the mythological aspects and trying to figure out what ancient goddess or old superstition the citizens of Bon Temps are contending with this week. I read the Twilight books because I wanted to see what all of the hoopla was about,; I finished the series grudgingly as the story got more and more ridiculous but I felt like I had to finish. I've read Dracula for a class in gothic fiction. I think I've seen most of Interview with a Vampire. But I am not, and never will be, anything like the Twi-Hards (as Lainey calls them): that breed of girls and women who stalk poor Robert Pattinson all over Vancouver in the hopes that he will meet one of them at a coffeeshop/on a street corner/from behind the barricades erected by his security team while he cowers behind his trailer, realize that one of them is his soulmate, and live happily ever after. I am not one of them. I'm not pining over Lestadt, Edward Cullen, Bill Compton, or Eric Northman. I don't love vampires.

However, I'm very interested in why these women (and they are just as often women as they are girls) love (the idea of) vampires. While Twilight, Interview with a Vampire, and True Blood are all very different (I'm going to focus mostly on the first and last of those three), and pick up on different aspects of vampire lore, the attraction seems to be the same. Just what is it? Here are my theories about why women love vampires, and they reveal some strange and interesting aspects of the female psyche (or at least, the psyches of Twi-hards).

Even while they embrace the benefits of feminism and the advantages of living in a less-and-less sexist world (I'd hope!), many women are nostalgic for the days of highly defined gender roles. This also explains part of the attraction of Mad Men. In these stories, the male vampires were originally born (as humans) at least a few hundred years ago, when men were men, and women were, well...women. They bring along with them, as much as they have learned to roll with the times and get with the feminist program, all of those ideas about gender that were around when they grew up. They are, in other words, stereotypical masculinity personified, with a veneer of contemporary progressiveness on top. When they're not murderous and bloodthirsty, they're chivalrous, protective to a fault, extraordinarily strong, and always ready to defend their partner's honour. And women, while being attracted to these qualities, also seem to be attracted to the female role that this would put them in: passive, uberfeminine, confined to the home (can't leave, when there are other scary creatures out there to get you, and your mate can't go out in the sun), and physically diminutive. I can see the attraction of aspects of this--chivalry will never go out of style, as long as equal courtesy is practiced by women towards men--but the others? No thanks. I find masculinity attractive, but not if it forces me to limit my potential as a human being.

Tied into this hypermasculinity is the notion of the vampire as an extremely powerful being under very tenuous control. This seems to play into the desire of some women to control and/or change their partners (or to be the person who makes their partner control and/or change themselves). A la les Twi-hards: "Ooh, Edward Cullen is so sexy because he can just barely keep himself from killing and eating Bella." Yikes. It might be interesting to believe that your partner has difficulty controlling themselves physically (read sexually) in the face of your overwhelming attractiveness--isn't that the premise of most sex-scenes in women's fiction?--but to take it to the point where it becomes the threat of physical violence? How's that for a sadistic abuse fantasy? I like danger as much as the next girl (skydiving and bungee jumping are still on my to-do list. Any joiners?), but I'd prefer that my fantasies don't involve the possibility of exsanguination.

The third aspect of vampire attraction I can spot is the immortality factor: vampires, unless under extraordinary circumstances (staking, silver bullets, sunlight), don't die. You can be with your man forever! And guess what aspect of the not-so-subtle vampire-loving female psyche this one points to? You guessed it: they're terrified of death. Both their own (hence the fantasies of being "turned," i.e. having your partner transform you into another vamp) and that of those they love. This hasn't come up too much in True Blood yet--Sookie just got the idea of having Bill turn her this past episode--but it's a huge part of Twilight. In fact, it's the whole forward-moving mechanism of the books: what will Bella have to do to make Edward turn her? In her case, it's marry him--turning "turning" into sex, and waiting into abstinence, since Edward won't have sex with her until he's turned her, for all of the possible threat-of-violence reasons I gave above. I wouldn't expect much more from a highly conservative Mormon author, but really? I'm all for responsible teenage sexuality, but is giving girls a role model who becomes suicidal when her partner leaves and marries him at eighteen to keep him from doing so again really a good idea? Not in my books. Not that I've written any, but if I did, my heroine wouldn't be a depressive whiny masochist.

I still love True Blood, and I must admit that Sookie is a much stronger woman and admirable character than Bella--she's got her own powers, she takes charge, and she's not pining to be made immortal--but this societal vampire obsession is troubling. Why do women want to fantasize about loving a creature who embodies many things--hypermasculinity, violence, oppression, possessiveness--that feminism has worked so hard to diminish or reconfigure? Is relinquishing personal power a relief? Is it easier? Do women feel that by subordinating themselves to men, they will become more attractive to them? These are questions, as someone who doesn't see the attraction, that I can't answer. But I can wonder.

One Sentence Review: (500) Days of Summer

2009-08-04T22:32:00.005-04:00

A lot like life, except with awesome retro clothing, blue eyes, and a better soundtrack; very much worth seeing.

This is what happens when I only have my netbook...

2009-08-01T23:14:00.002-04:00

The blog suffers. My big laptop has been living in my carrel at Robarts for the last week, and I haven't gone to get it because, well, I'm cheap. It costs me, if I walk the 6.4 km from Union to Robarts and back again, $12.70 round trip from home to the library. If I choose not to walk, it's closer to $17 with subway fare. Insane! So you can blame the state of GTA transit on the lack of blog posts. Not that I couldn't blog on my netbook (I could), but when I just have the netbook around, I'm on the computer much less, and hence am not tempted to spout out whatever whenever like I do when I'm on my big laptop. And now, because I'm really supposed to be writing a paper that was really supposed to be due on Friday, you're getting the lazy version of a blog post. Enjoy!

Rob McLennan on Open Letter (the launch I attended a few weeks ago)

My new favourite source of adrenaline

What makes Katie laugh (and me too)

Worst service ever. Never go here

Font junkie gets a new fix: Minion and Frutiger. And this is how much of a nerd I am: I'm writing a paper about a poem typeset in Minion in Minion

It seems like this is all half the blogs I like ever talk about, but I'm going to have to do an extended post on it anyway

I'm so making these tomorrow. And these. Although considering that I'm supposed to be writing, I think I'll have to pick one

My friends on their farm with their creatures. So freaking cute. Makes me want to do what they did, which is pull up roots from downtown Toronto, buy a house in rural Nova Scotia, and start a whole new life. Amazing

Current Subjects of Critical Writing: Christian Bok and a. rawlings

2009-07-23T13:11:00.005-04:00

Christian Bok reading from Eunoia. I'm actually working with Crystallography right now, but I couldn't find a video of him reading from it.

a. rawlings (Angela) reading from Wide Slumber for Lepidopterists.

On Not Twittering

2009-07-23T12:35:00.002-04:00

Twitter: that thing where you write things that are 140 characters or less and follow people and read what they're saying all day long. I dunno. I'm not on that bandwagon yet.

Me and technology, we get along just fine. I can build my own computer (and have done, and probably will again). I pretty much know what most of its components do, if not exactly how they do it. I can knock out a half-decent website pretty easily, and I've got the whole blog and Facebook thing going on. I can program the VCR (well, PVR, but same difference). My iPod and I are inseparable. But Twitter?

I think my Twittereticence is something along the lines of my early Facebook reticence--do I really need to know what everyone is doing and thinking at all times? Do people really need to know what I'm doing and thinking all the time? And is the time and energy that Twittering (or Facebooking) takes time that I'm willing to divert from other pursuits, like blogging, creative writing, or academic writing? Part of it is that I'm fairly concerned with privacy--yes, I sometimes get personal on the blog, and of course I'm always writing from my own particular perspective, and yes, if you went through and read every blog post I've written and added up the information that I've provided, you could easily find out who I am, where I go to school, what my last name is, and what I look like. (And my privacy reasons are these: possible stalkers, possible later regret, possible annoyance on the part of those who are connected with me, because I can stay stupid things and only people who know me know that I said those stupid things, which is okay). But unless you really wanted to try to figure it out, on a day to day basis, the Miscellany is fairly anonymous, which is how I like it. And Twittering is not so much. I don't think I want to be that out there.

The other issue is time: in the economy of time vs. usefulness/fulfillment-factor/enjoyment, is the time I could spend on Twitter a sound investment? Knowing me, who often takes days to compose a blog post from idea to publication, even 140 characters (especially 140 characters) could potentially take a lot of thought and effort (because short does not equal simple). And as much as the oft-cited haiku metaphor is intriguing (a Twitter post = a haiku, and therefore has the potential to be short, sweet, and striking), I think I'd rather devote the same time to poetic projects that will eventually turn into something larger, like a collection. The other issue is the one that is posed by Scott Rosenberg, helpfully highlighted by my friend Nav, whose post inspired this one: what happens to all of those Twitter posts after they're posted? The thing with the blog, and with all of my other writing, is that it exists for as long as I want it to (or for as long as my hard-drive holds out. Which reminds me--need to add "buy bigger external drive" to my to-do list). The energy that I expend has more than momentary returns, because I can come back to what I've written days, months, or years later and get inspiration, see how my writing is progressing in terms of its skill and fluency, chart my development as a person, remember past events and interests, &c. If Twitter posts are for all intents and purposes lost not long after they're posted, that's a fleetingness that seems akin to eating junkfood--fun at the time, but not much good immediately afterward. I know that my use of Facebook does seem to contradict this point; most of what we do on Facebook is lost in the reams of posts and updates that come after it, but if I wanted to go back and find things, I could (albeit, with great difficulty). But for me, that's not what Facebook is for, which in my world is the new MSN/Evite combo pack with some Classmates.com thrown in for good measure--a way to talk to people, briefly, and to organize ways to see people, with a bit of voyeuristic snooping as an added pleasure.

Another issue, one that I could overcome if I wanted to, is that on many days, I'm essentially in a technological no-man's land from about 7-6. I choose, purposefully, to do much of my schoolwork in a place where I barely get cell phone reception. Great for getting rid of all of those pesky distractions. No internet. No smartphone. So even if I wanted to follow people on Twitter on an ongoing basis, I couldn't. And what's the point of having Twitter if you don't post anything most of the time?

I know that some of you use Twitter, and others may be interested/not interested in it for multiple reasons. I had to be convinced to get on Facebook, long after most people already had--any reasons why I should be convinced to do the same for Twitter? Am I a Luddite?

This Won't Be My Life: (And Hopefully Won't Be Yours Either)

2009-07-21T13:43:00.000-04:00

Not-So-Serious Problems

2009-07-18T01:21:00.003-04:00

1. I can't find boots that I like that will fit me. You know what they say about tall girls. They have big....feet. Okay, that's completely the oldest and lamest joke ever, but whatever. You try being nearly six feet tall and finding boots that don't cost an arm and a leg, both of the latter which I need to wear the boots. I refuse to pay $40.00 in customs fees, thank you very much.

2. The glasses search is currently in dire straits. Off on an expedition tomorrow to explore new territory. I'm attempting to avoid looking like Rita Skeeter/Harry Potter/Drew Carrey, but other than that, I'm open. Except to contact lenses. You cannot get me to like them. Ever. I wore glasses at my damn wedding, so what other occasion could there possibly be that is not glasses appropriate? Me without glasses is like me without a nose, or some other key facial feature. Eyebrows, maybe?

3. The current object of my daydreams cannot remain as such (all men, even the made-up ones, are irrevocably flawed, which sadly crushes said fantasies in the end.) Must find new object of daydreams. Sad. But such is the nature of daydreams, so I can't really be that upset, and if I can't have some variety in people-who-exist-in-my-mind, where can I have it? But I will never give up Hugh Laurie. He is my one true daydream love. "Mystery" makes me laugh every time.

4. There are so many books in the world that I need and/or want to read that I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Luckily I'm a speed-reader, and many of the books in the world can immediately be discounted as total and utter crap, which narrows the field quite a bit. Instead of being the crazy cat lady, I'm going to be the crazy book lady.

5. I have no idea what the hell I want to write my dissertation on. Luckily, I don't have to have the vaguest clue what the hell I want to write my dissertation on until sometime in 2010 or 2011. Thank god.

6. And for the round half-dozen: I haven't lived in a house with this many people in it since I lived in rez @ Queen's, and then, my door had a lock. Normally, I'm okay, but my parents are on vacation this week, which means that there is ALWAYS someone around, and I'm going a bit bonkers. Hence, my rambles in search of glasses tomorrow will be, happily, solitary. The crazy book lady is already emerging. Oh, well.

The Book is Un-Dead

2009-07-15T21:51:00.004-04:00

After the Scream Festival ended, I kept thinking about the premise of this year's events: The Book is Dead. It was a good and contentious topic around which to organize the festival, but one to which I say, hells nah!

Now, this isn't just my bibliophile automatic knee-jerk reaction to the idea of the death of the book. Books are dying--or rather, I would argue--being transformed in lots of ways: hypertexts, the Kindle, Audible, online journals, digital media, &c. But here are a list of my reasons, in no particular order, for why I think the book is un-dead (or in other words, immortal). Keep in mind that many of my book-related experiences are predicated on being an academic, which means that there are things that I find useful, lovely, or necessary about printed books that you might find superfluous:

1. You can write in books. Yes, I know that there are some annotation capabilities with the Kindle, but so much of my active reading is done with a pencil in hand, jotting notes, summaries, question marks, underlines, stars, arrows, and marginalia of all sorts. I'm huge on sticky notes and Post-It tabs, and I also write my name and the month and year of purchase in all of my books so that when I pick one up, I'm instantly reminded of when and why I purchased it. It also makes them handy to keep track of when I'm lending one to a friend, as he/she can't get away with pretending that it's his/hers. I'm also a big proponent of books as gifts, and I'm not willing to give up my ability to write a note inside the front cover. Or to have my books signed by the author. Is Margaret Atwood's long-pen Kindle-compatible?

2. Paratextual elements of books significantly contribute to their aesthetic and actual value. With electronic books, you can't get a sense of the production value of the book, and hence what its value is to the author, the publishing house, the market, and its intended readers. What is the paper quality like? Has it been printed in black and white, or four-colour? What is the binding like? Is it hardcover, or paperback? Does the paper have a texture, a weight, a colour? Are there inserts of other kinds of paper, like those in Christian Bok's Crystallography (an acetate overlay) or a. rawlings' Wide Slumber for Lepidopterists (tissue for pressing plant or butterfly samples)? None of these things, which so inform the experience of holding, reading, assessing a book, are present in e-texts, which tend to make all of these things uniform. A book like Stephen Cain's American Standard/Canada Dry, with its lovely horizontally-ridged paper and stiff cover, has a much different physical effect than a mass-market paperback in terms of reading experience, which I would hate to lose.

3. The relationship between eyes and computers are like a summer-romance: fleeting and doomed to failure. I cannot, no matter how much I try, do any extensive reading on a computer. Part of it is my need to write on what I'm reading, but the other part is that reading e-texts is just not a comfortable experience. I don't have great eyesight (I wear glasses, and I have a condition called strabismus, which means that my eyes tend to focus independently on different things), and the visual clutter that attends most e-texts is intensely distracting for me. Even typing this entry in the frame that Blogger provides is difficult at times, especially with the blue and orange "Publish" and "Save" buttons standing out so vividly. Reading a book, however, is a highly enjoyable act that I can do for long periods of time without discomfort or strain. We have been taught from childhood how to read books, and as an ancient technology, I feel that our bodies have some cellular memory that allows us to respond to books in ways that we haven't yet learned to respond to books' electronic equivalent. That may come, but as of now, books win.

4. Books don't run out of batteries.

5. Books are sturdy. Yes, cheap mass-market paperbacks fall apart, but I can chuck a book in my purse for a ride on the bus, and it will largely be okay. I can get my book wet, and the pages might curl, but it will still be readable. I doubt the same could be said for a Kindle.

6. Books don't become unreadable in the glare of the sun.

7. Books are shareable. I can lend you a book. I can leave a book on a park bench or in a bus station for someone else to enjoy. I can sell my books to BMV or donate them to the library book sale. I can't do that with an e-text file, or at least not in the same ways, and not legally.

8. Books are decorative. I own a lot of books. Most of them are currently in boxes in my parents' garage (pending the transportation of my bookshelves from the apartment to here), but in my normal habitat, I am surrounded by books. At last count, I owned six bookshelves, which were all completely full, and I always have more library books scattered around on tables and desks (and this was in a one-bedroom apartment). I love it. I love being surrounded by books. I am determined that one day I will live somewhere with a proper library. E-books are not material. You can't look at a shelf of e-books with satisfaction. You can't colour-coordinate your e-books for easy visual recognition. You can't display e-books as art objects.

9. Books smell good.

10. Books force you to get out and explore. If I could get every book that I ever needed or wanted in an e-text version, I would have hardly any reason to leave the house, or get up from the computer, on days that I'm working. As it stands now, books force me to go many places: the public library, the university library, the other university library, the used-bookstore, the independent bookstore, the poetry bookstore, the big commercial bookstore. And I'm better for it. I experience new places, see new things, and don't spend all day sitting on my ass.

11. Books can be used as more than books. They can be used as pedestals for beautiful objects. They can be used as doorstops. They can be used as stepstools. They can be nailed into stairs (Hana in The English Patient). They can be used as fans, as umbrellas, as disguises, as identifiers (the woman waiting for a blind date reading Pride & Prejudice and holding a red-rose), as tools of fate (Serendipity), as conversation-starters, as barricades, as safes, as memory boxes (Klein's "Heirloom"). A Kindle is only ever a Kindle.

12. Books aren't just for reading (in); they're also for writing in. Is the notebook dead? It better not be.

I'll leave it at a round dozen. I'm sure that there are many more reasons I could give for my argument that the book isn't dead, and won't be for a long time, or may not ever be. I'd love to hear some of yours, or your counter arguments. Why do you think the book is dead, or is heading that way, or should be going the way of the dodo? Or why do you love books as much as/differently than/more than I do?

Tingles

2009-07-13T21:57:00.002-04:00

As my favourite gossip columnist (celebrity gossip, although of a high-brow sort, being my not-so-secret vice) would call them, here's my list of smutty tingles for the day (a.k.a. interesting links):

Can I buy tickets now? G&M

I already have my ticket, but I'm not sure I can wait another 23 hours: G&M

Ouch, indeed. This is sadly someone I know, who I'm wishing a speedy recovery: The Star

Maybe Rob needs some new questions, or Lisa needs to relax? Rob McLennan's Blog

Has anyone brought Brüno as their camp artifact for Warren's class? New Yorker

Gladwell on, well, something complicated made simple, as usual: New Yorker

Another one-word-title book I need to read: Salon

And two more, for the foodie side: Chapters & Amazon

Five New Manifestoes on the Book: Keynote Panel

2009-07-09T08:13:00.003-04:00

This is a webcast of the event that I was at on Tuesday night, on the status of the book. I'll have to watch it again myself; I'm not a very good aural processor, so it always takes me a couple of listens to grasp complex ideas properly. Give me something to read, though...

Happenings Around Town

2009-07-07T13:42:00.002-04:00

Just some things that I'm up to that you might want to join in on:

Tonight: Five New Manifestos on the Book & Open Letter Launch Brought to You by the Toronto Women's Bookstore. Part of The Scream Literary Festival; The Supermarket, 268 Augusta Ave. @ 7:00 pm.

Friday: For all you Yorkers, or anyone who wants to be my date, there's a BBQ @ Katie's place; 599 Crawford Ave. I don't know if I can rival the EGSA BBQ in terms of stamina, but I'll try.

Monday: Scream in High Park. Dream Stage @ 7:00 pm. They're all poets I'm excited to hear, and you can't go wrong with hanging out in High Park on a sunny evening.

Tuesday: Midnight screening of Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince, with dinner/drinks beforehand at Victory Cafe. Even if you're not interested in seeing the movie, we always have a good time over a few beer.

July 20 (tentative): Canada's Wonderland for the day. We've got an extra seat in the car, if anyone is interested. Must love rollercoasters, although it's okay if you don't like the Minebuster. I don't either. Something about my legs being so long that I end up with massive bruises on my knees. I've got a few discount coupons too.

July 23: First general meeting of EGSA's yet-to-be-titled graduate journal. We're going to be learning about how the online journal publishing software works, deciding what positions we'll need to fill, perhaps setting up an editorial board with faculty volunteers, and generally getting organized. I've never started a journal before, so I don't know exactly how this is going to go, but at least we're getting going. If you're interested in getting some first-hand academic editing experience, I hope you'll come.

Words from One of the Wise

2009-07-07T12:41:00.000-04:00

I just can't stay away

2009-06-30T15:20:00.003-04:00

So the blogging break that I (somewhat melodramatically) proposed has lasted all of two weeks. Well, a lot can happen in two weeks, and in some ways, a lot has happened, even while not a lot has. The reasons that I wanted to stop blogging no longer apply, so here I am. Missed you, Miscellany.

On the personal front, I'm back at a fairly even keel, emotionally. Yes, this is an awful thing to have to deal with, on so many levels. Yes, it's a cataclysmic life change. Yes, I've got emotions and money and paperwork and lawyers to deal with. But I'm dealing. Those of you who know me outside of the blogosphere know that I'm a person who copes with change remarkably well, even embraces it, which is exactly what I'm doing now. I love the combination of excitement and terror that a complete life-180 brings. If I didn't know myself well enough to know that I'm highly self-aware, I'd wonder if I wasn't processing this properly (I know my mother has thought this a few times), but I really am. I think the reason that I'm not a complete basket-case is because I know that this is what is going to make my life happier, more exciting, more fulfilled, just...more. And the other reason is that the hubby and I are setting world-records for the friendliest and most dignified breakup, which certainly helps.

All of this change seems to have really shaken things loose in my head. I'm amazed, actually. Things that I never did, or never thought I was capable of doing, I'm doing now. I'm dreaming--REM sleep, eyelids twitching, improbable occurrences, dreaming, which I very rarely did (or remembered) before. It's fascinating! Of course, my dreams have been completely off the wall, but that's why they're so interesting. Have you ever had a dream where someone is chasing you, but you can't do anything but run in place, or at a snail's pace? I have. And then all of this happened, and a few days later, I had the same dream. Do you know what I did in it? I ran. Far and fast. I'm sure someone could tell me what that means, but I'm happy enough just to have had it.

I'm also writing. I've had the hugest block about non-academic, non-blog, writing for ages, but the "why the hell not try" switch seems to have been flicked somewhere in the back of my brain. Part of it is my shaken-up life, and part of it is the class in contemporary Canadian poetry that I'm taking right now, which is wonderful. I'm being taught poetry by poets--what a blessing. I'm currently working on some homolinguistic translations of Marianne Moore: translating the sound and the rhythm of the words, but not their meaning, from English to English, and seeing what happens. Having some sort of imposed stricture like that (and you can read more about the Oulipo movement if you're interested in constraint-based poetry, although homolinguistic translation comes more from homophonic translation in the tradition of Zukofsky) is useful in a number of ways: it takes away the potential block of starting from nowhere, it acknowledges that there is no such thing as "free" poetry (it all is influenced by the world/words around us), and it lets you seek out the potential in things you thought you already knew--like Moore. I'm very interested to see what happens. And there are so many possible strictures/structures that you can impose on yourself. One of the most extreme I can think of is Christian Bök's Eunoia, where each chapter is restricted to the use of one vowel only. Alongside this one major constraint, each chapter must also "allude to the art of writing. All chapters must describe a culinary banquet, a prurient debauch, a pastoral tableau and a nautical voyage. All sentences must accent internal rhyme through the use of syntactical parallelism. The text must exhaust the lexicon for each vowel, citing at least 98% of the available repertoire" (103-4). Bök uses all but four available words. It took him seven years.

After all of the confusion that I went through with contemporary poetry this year (hating it, being good at it, learning to love it), I'm finding out that I want to do it. For myself, and maybe as my academic focus. There's just so much out there to interest and inspire me, I hate the feeling of pinning myself down to one area. I love Canadian modernism, and I always will, but I think I need to keep seeing what else is out there before I make any firm decisions. Doing contemporary may well be career suicide (at least according to some people in our department), but getting a primo job and becoming part of the academy has never been my number one goal in all of this. I want to do what makes me happy, and what contributes something to the world, in whatever form that takes. In case you're interested in what contemporary Canadian poetry is like, well, I can't really tell you. It's all so different. But here's an example of something written by a contemporary Canadian poet, who also happens to be one of my professors. The subject of this poem is one very lucky woman.

On the non-cerebral front, I'm learning how to run. Yes, that sounds a bit funny--doesn't everyone know how to run? I can't run long distances, and that's what I'm trying to learn how to do. My aunt has proposed that I join her in running a 5k in September, and being the deadline-oriented girl that I am, I may just do it. It'll be good motivation, anyway. I haven't decided yet if I love it or if I hate it, but it's new for me, and difficult, and those are the things that I'm trying to push myself to do the most right now. Like keeping my room tidy. Yes, I'm a ramshackle, dustbunny-collecting disaster, but they say that it takes 21 days to institute a new habit, and I've been tidy and organized for 33. Victory? We'll see.

So that's me, for now. As always, contingent, confused, moving my way toward new possibilities. But isn't that everyone?

A Break from Blogging

2009-06-14T23:40:00.002-04:00

I'm going to stop blogging for awhile. I'm really not comfortable writing about the current situation in such a public forum, but neither am I capable of writing other things, because I feel like to not write it would do a disservice to the seriousness of the situation and how I'm feeling. Which is, to exponentially underestimate my feelings, like total hell. Beyond hell. And I don't know when that's going to change, so right now, the blog is going to be on hiatus.

I might be on occasionally to do Melissa's Library-type review postings as I begin studying for my comp exams, but as of now, the blog is on hold. I hope you all understand.

Some things change, some things stay the same

2009-06-05T13:26:00.002-04:00

My life has been going through a lot of upheaval lately, but I think that I'm now in a position to steady myself a bit and start moving forward. The hubby and I have decided that we're better off not married (at least to each other), so we're working through getting that sorted out. He will always be someone who is very dear to me, and I'm so happy that we're able to end our marriage in a respectful and kind way. I'd like to think that we can come out of this as friends; after all, that's how we started our relationship as well.

I'm back living with my parents for awhile, and my sister and I are looking for an apartment together. Hayley might be a slob, but I love her to death, and I think we'll do very well living together. After all, we've done it for twenty-odd years already. We found an amazing place on Craigslist (so amazing that it seems much too good to be true), but we'll see what happens. There are so many options in a city the size of Toronto, I know we'll find somewhere amazing. And renting is a great way to live in neighbourhoods that you could never afford to buy in!

On the school front, not much has changed. I'm working on getting my final grades in for my students, and then I've got a presentation to give on Wednesday, and a paper due a couple of weeks from now. The commute to school from my parents' place is actually much shorter than it was from the apartment, so that's a bonus, although it is a bit more expensive. I'm quite looking forward to my summer class, which starts on Monday; after the trauma of taking two contemporary classes first term, I feel quite confident with the area now. And I get to write about people whose writing I love, which is always a treat.

So, as life always goes, some things change, and some things stay the same. I'm happy to have enough continuity to steady me, and as always, I love the potential for change and growth that happens when something major in my life shifts, as it has done so many times before. Who knows where life will take me next? I sure don't, and that's an exciting feeling.

Quick Updates

2009-05-30T13:26:00.002-04:00

Am working on a template change for ye olde blog. I've had the current configuration for a couple of years now, and I'm ready for a change. Nothing like a little redecorating. I'm still playing, so stay tuned

One paper down, two to go; I finished my modernism paper (Marianne Moore & her poetic praxis), and now I'm working on my intellectuals paper (Susan Sontag's Illness as Metaphor and Anne Wilkinson/Virginia Woolf--tentatively) and my summer course presentation (James Reaney's iconography). Then I hopefully don't have to write anything until July. Huzzah!

Grading is progressing nicely; I seem to be much faster now than I ever have been, which keeps it from feeling like endless torture

Wii Boxing is all kindsa fun and good exercise to boot

Going to see Up tonight. It looks a-dor-able. And it's in 3D, which is just as kitschy cool fun as it was when it first came out in the 20s

Review: PPZ

2009-05-27T13:58:00.002-04:00

Being a Pride & Prejudice fan (a big fan; I've owned at least three copies of the book, which are in various states of dilapidation due to overuse, and I own both of the recent versions of the film, both the 6 hour BBC and the Keira Knightley version), I felt like I should read Pride & Prejudice & Zombies. It sounded cheeky and entertaining, and the idea of introducing "ultraviolent zombie mayhem" and ninjas seemed like it could be a novel way of critiquing not only Austen's society, which was largely the point of P&P, but of critiquing our own. After all, aren't so many violence-soaked, video game-playing, brain-dead members of society just zombies anyway?

Initially, I found the revamp surprisingly effective and fun. Lizzy Bennet is sharp-witted and nimble of mind, and it made perfect sense that she'd also be sharp of sword and nimble of feet. Mocking the pretensions of society vs. turning that same society into zombies who then get their heads cut off? A good parallel. I have to admit that the line "Girls! Pentagram of Death!" made me crack up. And for modern readers, having the militia quartered in Meryton for the purposes of protecting the town from the undead is a better explanation than the seemily random troop rotations of Austen's time.

After that, though, things got a little weird, and not because Charlotte Lucas turns out to be a zombie. Rather, Seth Grahame-Smith dropped the ball. The latter third of the book, at least, is about what it was always about: the developing relationship between Lizzy and Darcy, and their mutual recognition that the person they most hated in the world is actually the person who suits them best. Turning Miss Darcy's piano into a katana sword and Darcy's sitting room into a dojo doesn't change that. And so it stopped being Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, and started being Pride & Prejudice (with a couple of random zombie/ninja mentions thrown in). And maybe because I love P&P so much, I stopped finding the zombies entertaining, and started finding them instrusive--in food metaphor, I wanted to stop finding bits of wasabi in my mashed potatoes. If PPZ wasn't going to be something significantly different, and different with a purpose, then I wanted what I know and love back again, unadulterated.

That's pretty much how I finished the book feeling. If Grahame-Smith had been able to make the zombies do something--provide some form of social commentary, or significantly change the plot of the book, or suprise & delight in some way--then they would have been a most welcome addition. As they were, they just became kind of annoying. I'd rather see Lizzy verbally spar with Lady Catherine than physically spar with her any day--they're both much better at the verbal. If the existence of PPZ makes people read Pride & Prejudice who would never have thought of doing so before, great, because P&P is something that I think everyone should read at some point in their lives. But otherwise, it was a fun idea not particularly well executed. I do, however, recommend reading the Book Club questions at the end. They manage to mock P&P, zombies, the author, Oprah, and readers all at once; if the book had managed to be effective as the questions, it would have been a great read.

Facebook Meme of the Week

2009-05-20T21:12:00.003-04:00

I Choose Elton John

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, answer these questions. Pass it on to 10 people you like and include me. Try not to repeat a song title. Enjoy!

Artist: Elton John

Are you male or female: Kiss the Bride

Describe yourself: Blue Eyes

How do you feel about yourself: The Bitch is Back

Describe where you currently live: Philadelphia Freedom

If you could go anywhere you wanted to go: Island Girl

Your favourite form of transportation: Rocket Man

Your best friend is: Daniel

Your favourite colour is: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

Favourite time of day: Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting

If your life were a tv show, what would it be called: Honky Cat

What is life to you: Your Song

What is the best advice you have to give: Believe

If you could change your name, what would it be: Nikita

Thought for the Day: Sad Songs (Say so Much)

How I would like to die: Sacrifice

My soul's present condition: I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues

My motto: I'm Still Standing

News/ No News

2009-05-13T09:45:00.005-04:00

Happy sigh. It's amazing the sheer weight that an assignment can put on your shoulders when you let it hang over you and torture yourself about it, as I am wont to do, but it's done (this being the paper from Term 1 that I got an 8-week extension on and handed in on Friday. We're almost done Term 2). I'm normally very careful not to base my sense of academic worth on the praise of others (I'm working hard, and have been for awhile, at being able to judge the quality of my own work; it's too easy to become an approbation-junkie), but at this point in the year, when we're at the end of the marathon and our energy levels are low, praise can be a great pick-me-up. Two A+ marks and an "if you decide that you don't want to write your dissertation on what you think you want to write it about, you should think about coming and working in my area" (from one of my profs) feel great, and I'm using those grades as a talisman to get myself through my final two assignments of the term with less torture than usual. Honestly, I should be tried for hate crimes, because I put myself through hell much too frequently. Oh, well. I mostly feel sorry for the hubby, who has to put up with it. He's better than I am at making me stop, relax, and reassess, though, which I'm grateful for. Sushi dates are good for that.

So in the world of school news, I've got 8 pages of one paper and 12-15 pages (i.e. 100%) of another to complete by May 25 and June 3 respectively, plus my French final exam on May 19, and 42 final essays to grade by May 31--and then the term is done. Hallelujah! And in between now and my first deadline, I'm spending two weekends out of town: one in Grand Bend, camping with the hubby, Jen & Mike, and the second at Shelagh & Lynda's for a girl's weekend with mom, my sister and the aunts. I'm much looking forward to doing some work on the beach/screened-in porch and pretending that I'm not really working at all. It is going to be glorious. Camping on May 2-4 weekend is always a gamble (will we freeze to death? will it pour rain? will we me massacred by blackflies?) but I love both camping and The Pinery so much that I'm willing to take the chance. We booked the trip in January, so I've been looking forward to it for ages.

I also just got a CFP (call for papers) for a conference in Bath that I have the perfect paper for, so I'm going to submit an abstract and see what happens. I'm all for a school-funded trip to England, if I get accepted (and the hubby is adorably excited to show me where he lived when he did an exchange to England in university). We might have to spend some time in Ireland as well, as I've been dying to get there and I might as well if I'm already nearby, and of course I'll have to go see my cousins and great-aunt, who live in Northampton, Brighton, and Peterborough. I'll find out mid-June if my paper has been accepted, so I'll keep you posted. And if you've got any ideas for cheap flights from Toronto/Hamilton/Buffalo to London, let me know!

In the world of no news, still nothing on the house situation. At this point, it is very likely that we will be buying a house that's already in the hubby's family (which I LOVE and of which I have already mentally renovated the kitchen and picked out furniture), but we have to wait for everything to get sorted out on that side before we can buy it (as, of course, the people who live there need to buy a new house of their own!) So, we wait. But we've got everything else--mortgage, lawyer, inspector, downpayment--sorted out, so we're in a good spot. I'm actually really looking forward to the packing process, as I enjoy decluttering and purging, and the apartment could use a good go-through to donate things that we don't need/aren't using. I only want to move the things we're really going to find useful & beautiful, because boxes are heavy and moving is expensive! It looks like my sister will also be moving about the same time that we may be (if all goes well), so she'll be getting all of our old kitchen things and we can begin to make us of the lovely wedding gifts that are currently stashed in my parents' spare bedroom. I have to reassure my gifts that they haven't been abandoned from time to time; my pretty new kettle does tend to look at me reproachfully every time I'm there.

Today is going to be spent working on a paper about Marianne Moore, whose poetry I love (as much as I appreciate my prof's suggestion that I switch from modern to contemporary and work on Susan Howe, I love modern poetry too much to give it up as a research focus), and on a paper about autobiographical prison writing as critique of the western penal system (using writing by Antonio Gramsci, Emma Goldman, and Angela Davis, all of whom were imprisoned for their political activities). They're both topics I find really interesting (the first more than the second), and I've got some good momentum going after finishing my term paper, so off to the library I go!

Things to do before I can relax:

2009-05-03T15:43:00.002-04:00

So, while every other university in the country (probably the continent) is done for the year, I'm still at school, still working like a mad person, and trying to get everything done. End of year blitz is the worst. Here's what's going down:

Writing and presenting a conference paper on the character of Caravaggio in Michael Ondaatje's In the Skin of a Lion. One of my favourite books, and a fascinating character that generally gets ignored in favour of reading him as a stand in for Caravaggio the painter and the play of light and dark he made so famous. I'm working on a rather different reading of him as a carnivalesque agent of social change and egalitarianism; it's quite an entertaining paper to write, and I'm looking forward to turning it into an article to be published in the academic journal that I've just helped to found. Yep, I've founded a journal. Pretty cool.

Writing a paper on Susan Howe's relationship to the L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E poets. Writing this makes me realize just how obscure my field can be. Anyway, it's about the political projects of writing that on the surface seems to be very much related but underneath is doing rather different things. I'll be happy when it's done, which will be soon, as it's due tomorrow. I like contemporary poetry, but modernism is always going to be where my heart's at.

After that's done, I'll be marking 40 student midterms between Tuesday and Friday. This is the second last assignment of the year that I need to grade, so I can deal with it. I've got such a good handle on my student's writing styles and what my course director wants in terms of grading now that it's not as much of an agonizing process as it used to be. Can't say that I won't be pulling another late nighter, but it won't be the end of the world.

Teaching my last two tutorials for the year. Woot! I love my students, but Fridays are a long and tiring day for me--lecture, office hour, and two tutorials crammed into a day. I get to teach Fall on Your Knees, another favourite book, so it's a great way to end off the year.

Finishing up a paper on Marianne Moore for my modernism class. I love her writing; when I was doing my thesis on Anne Wilkinson, so many critics compared her to Moore, and now I know why. They're both weird and wonderful.

And writing my final term paper for my public intellectuals class. I have no idea yet what I want to write on; it's not the writing that's daunting so much as all of the background research that goes into coming up with a new idea. I've got some time, though, so I'm going to worry about everything else first.

I'm also going away two weekends this month (camping at The Pinery for the long weekend, and then to Shelagh and Lynda's the weekend after), participating in a conference, celebrating Mother's Day, and continuing to get everything organized for our house purchase, which will hopefully happen before the end of the summer. We've gotten a mortgage pre-approval lined up, our real estate lawyer at the ready (Purple Mangos, in fact), and plenty of ideas for furniture and decorating. Now we just have to wait and see what happens! Oh, for it to be June and for all of this to be done and over with...can't wait for a break.

Fine, fine

2009-04-11T23:15:00.005-04:00

I'm being accused of being a bad blogger by Rhianon, so here's me making up for it. It this maybe the reason that my RSS feeds aren't functioning properly? Maybe blogs are like that running shoe TV thing that they have for kids--you don't get what you don't give.

Since the Dr. Dog concert, I've been back in a "in the library at all possible hours" groove. Even today, Good Friday (good because it's a day off?), I spent a good six hours at Robarts. Lame, I know. I would rather have been making Nigella's homemade hot cross buns, but I don't have time for that; although, I've vowed to myself that I'll find the time to try this bread recipe. The chemistry is fascinating! But really, hot cross buns are just an excuse to eat too much butter, so it's probably a good idea that I didn't have the chance to get my bake on.

My modernist poetry prof falls somewhere between a genius and pure evil, and so in order to get anywhere in her class, I've got to really push myself. I decided that maybe doing so much brainstorming and writing on the computer wasn't doing me as much good as I thought it was. There's something about the wiring of my brain that makes a pen and paper a really valuable tool in terms of getting my brain to slow down and think hard. Probably because my brain and my hands work at about the same speed when I'm typing, which means that there isn't much processing or filtering going on when I'm typing things out. Writing things out by hand forces me to process more slowly and completely, and I'm processing both visually and kinesthetically. So, I picked me up a few big Moleskines, and away I went. I think it's working. I've got a solid mental sense of the presentation that I'm giving for O Evil Genius One's class, which I now need to write out fully, and I think I've really hit on something for a conference paper I'm writing about In the Skin of a Lion and The English Patient. I still need to immerse myself in both Bakhtin and Kristeva's theory of the carnivalesque, but I have a good general grasp of it. I don't have to present the paper until May 2 anyway, so I'm not too stressed about it yet.

I'm also working on some ideas for my public intellectuals paper. I'm thinking that I could do a really interesting paper on Richard Florida's move to Toronto; the class is specifically on American public intellectuals, but he happens to be an American who now lives in T.O., so I think it would be a valid topic. I'm just not sure how willing our prof would be to let me write on someone who isn't on the syllabus. I'll see. Florida has lived here since late 2007, and as he and his wife settle in to the city, I'm reading more and more about how he as a public intellectual is applying his theories about cities and the people who live in them to Toronto. I'd love to look at how his theories and his specific comments about Toronto could be implemented in terms of policy changes at City Hall; it doesn't sound much like an English paper (it sounds more like an urban studies or poli-sci paper), but it's a fairly interdisciplinary course.

Today was the first of two Easter dinners, and now I need to go lapse into a scalloped-potato and ham coma so that I can get up and get more work done tomorrow. It would help if I could actually get some work done on the paper that I've still got due from last term. That sounds bad. It's not, but still. It's gotta be done. I can't wait for July when I'll be done all but one course and I can take a breather.

On Tonight: Dr. Dog @ Lee's Palace

2009-04-04T19:25:00.000-04:00

Eating on Camera: The Politics of Female Consumption and Cooking Shows

2009-03-29T14:00:00.005-04:00

I watch a fair few cooking shows. I love to cook, I like having something on in the background when I'm reading or grading, and the TV keeps me company when the hubby's not home from work yet. My favourites are Everyday Italian/Giada at Home (hosted by Giada di Laurentiis, final image above), Barefoot Contessa (hosted by Ina Garten, first photo above), French Food at Home (hosted by Laura Calder, second image from right above), and anything Nigella (hosted by Nigella Lawson, second image from left above). I do seem to enjoy cooking shows hosted by women, it seems (although I will always have a soft spot for Tyler Florence.)

These female hosts seem to fall into three categories.

They are either a) sexually objectified (Giada, Laura, Nigella), b) skinny (Giada, Laura) or c) quote unquote "fat" (Ina, Nigella). Note that there is a one to one correspondence between thin hosts and sexualized hosts, and a much more equivocal correspondence between fat hosts and sexual objectification. I'll give you an exemplary quote from the U.K.'s Guardian re: Nigella: "Now instead of merely running her finger round the mixing bowl and having a little taste we have scenes of gluttony not seen since the golden age of cookie monster."

This quote brings to the forefront one of the things I've been noticing lately about female cooking show hosts, sex, and eating. When a thin female hosts eats, the act seems to be intended to remind the viewer of sex--oozy, juicy, overflowing, orgasmic. When Giada takes a bite, she takes a bite. Her mouth is usually overfull, and she often ends up biting off the ends of pieces of pasta and letting them fall back onto her plate. She also makes those orgasmic noises we typically associate with women eating chocolate. Sexy, right? Sure, but I've got some issues.

While filming and writing Nigella Express (the program, and the book), Nigella Lawson was at perhaps the heaviest weight we've seen her on television since she became a host. And I think that has a lot to do with why the Guardian characterized scenes of her eating on the show as "gluttony," rather than sexy. For comparison, read this characterization of Giada eating: " I held my hand over my heart and giggled along with her as she cut a hunk of Gruyere cheese and popped it into her mouth, sucking her cheeks in and raising her eyebrows, daring the cameramen to chastise her for sneaking a piece. I just adore this woman. I love everything about her, from her positively sparkling eyes to her excessive use of the words "pretty" and "yummy" to her penchant for closing her eyes and lips, then running her tongue over her top row of teeth, making her mouth into the perfect pout" (From Sexy Girls Eat). Note that this description is written by a woman--there isn't even the hope of sleeping with Giada to influence her description, for Giada is straight (although, there may be the fantasty).

I haven't gotten to Ina and Laura yet, and Laura I'll save for last, as I think she's a bit of a special case. But Ina's case is the quote about Nigella's gluttony taken to the extreme. It would be one thing if Ina were to eat on camera and have it be slammed as gluttonous. However, what actually happens is quite different--she doesn't eat. Well, let me equivocate. The only thing I've seen Ina eat on Barefoot Contessa recently is a piece of arugula. No seductive swipes of the finger through the bowl of icing. No cheeky nibbles of cheese. No tearing into a juicy piece of meet with sharp white teeth, juices running down her chin. Nada. The fat woman, the one whose eating is the most visible to the world, isn't allowed to eat, or is only allowed to eat lettuce, which is probably the least sexy food in the world.

The suggestion is this: when fat women eat, it's gluttonous, grotesque, overdone. It is something to feel guilty about, not glory in. When skinny girls eat, it's sexy, seductive, excessive in a good way. It's something to objectify, to fantasise about. If food shows=food porn, then skinny hosts are the nubile porn stars, and the fat hosts are the BBWs whom only a specific segment of the population have a preference for. Therefore, fat women either don't get to eat on TV, or eat and get criticized for it.

I think this has a lot to do with North American relationships with food, and this is where Laura comes in. In Feast, Nigella Lawson cites a study, one that Michael Pollan also cites in In Defence of Food, where "subjects from France, Belgium, Japan and America were given several foodstuffs and required to give their immediate associations. To 'chocolate cake' the Americans responded with 'guilt'; the French countered with 'celebration'. (Just as to the word 'cream', the Americans came out with 'unhealthy' and the joyful French, 'whipped')" (268). The enjoyment of food, in North America, has been conditioned to be associated with guilt, and the physical manifestations of the enjoyment of food are to be even more strongly associated with guilt. Nigella remarks that "in this context, I must declare myself firmly allied with the French. If chocolate cake is an indulgence, please don't consider it a sinful one: it is a confection to exult in, not to regret" (268). Nigella isn't the norm, though; her lack of guilt about her voloptuous enjoyment of food and her voluptuous body are unusual. For proof, look at the popularity of the show How to Look Good Naked. North American and British women, as a group, have become so guilty about our bodies and our relationship to food that we must be taught by a sweet British Chinese man, Gok Wan, how not to hate ourselves.

Laura Calder, while she is Canadian, falls outside of this trap. She is, in terms of her views about food, French. One notable thing about Laura is that there isn't the disconnect between her on-screen eating and her off-screen eating that there is with Giada and Ina. Giada notes the question that she gets the most often from viewers is how she stays so thin, and I would have that question too, if her real life eating were the same as her on-screen indulgences. Same with Ina; she obviously doesn't only eat lettuce in real life, but that's what we're led to believe on the show. With Nigella, what you see is what you get--she raids the fridge at midnight, and it shows in her body--and the same with Laura. She often tells herself "that's enough," or slices herself a bite-sized piece of whatever it is that she's tasting. She doesn't do the huge overflowing bites that Giada does either. She both practices and preaches moderation, which is very French, and very sexy. A different kind of sexy from Giada's overt sexuality, or from Nigella's Rubenesque wallowing in seductively buttery sauces and bloody meats. The notion that you can eat what you want, in limitation, is something that North American's don't understand very well. We either have to have no cake, or a whole cake. And I think that if what we see on television better corresponded to that reality--eating well is nothing to be ashamed of, and eating well in moderation is sexy--we'd be much better off.

Exciting Happenings

2009-03-19T11:17:00.002-04:00

I've been given the opportunity to help edit a book with a professor at the Sorbonne (prestigious, I know!). I'm lucky to have great friends who think of me when opportunities like this come up. The person I will be working for teaches Commonwealth literature, so hopefully, as a Canadianist, I can be useful to her. The position starts in the fall, and also means more income next year that I thought!

I've also hooked myself up with another research assistant's job for the summer, coding Shakespeare for online use. Remember that TEI project I was working on during my Master's degree? Well, this Shakespeare is the next evolution of what TEI is trying to do; from what I've learned and seen, it looks more useful and less code-heavy than TEI. I still miss all of the programming that I did at my publishing job, so this will be a fun project for the summer. Again, very lucky to have friends who put me in touch with the right people, as my friend Sonia took me out for lunch and I got a job out of it.

Big birthday bash planned for April 17. Yes, I know that my birthday is on the 7th, but that happens to be really close to Easter this year, and so we pushed it back a bit. Eilbra and I are co-hosting a party at The Drake Hotel; I know that 27 isn't exactly a major birthday milestone, but we never need an excuse to get people together. Now to figure out what to wear...

Tomorrow is the first day of spring! So excited.

Spring!

2009-03-15T22:18:00.002-04:00

A spring in my step, spring in the air. What I'm enjoying and cannot wait to have become more permanent (5-ish days until it becomes official):

warm air: 10 degrees today, 12 on Tuesday

sunlight! The sun didn't set tonight until almost 7:30. Daylight savings time is wretched to go through, but the benefits are immediately perceptible and hugely enjoyable

green: everything is brown, grey, yellow. I want green green green--acid, neon, psychedelic chartreuse new leaf green

my bike: Easter weekend always meant a bike tune up by my dad and my first bike ride of the season as a kid. This year, it means two new tires, a tune up, and a trip into the city where I'll use it as much as I can

my birthday: I turn 27 next month, and as I find that I'm actually really enjoying the process of getting older, I'm excited to celebrate another one. And I get to be the same age as the hubby for a couple of months, which I find amusing for some inscrutable reason. This is the kind of being amused that I mock the hubby for (he gets excited by odd things like new computer batteries), but I can deal with that

gardening: my little patio garden has been looking sad and dead all winter, but it will soon be time to buy some new seedlings and grow more tomatoes, chili peppers and herbs. And who knows--maybe I'll get to plant something in the ground this year, at our new house, fingers crossed

Birkenstocks: I'm a Blundstone/Birkenstock addict--Blundies all winter, Birks all summer. I love my Birks, and I miss wearing them, so I always throw them on as soon as I can risk it without getting frostbitten toes. If you're one of those people who enjoys a Carrie Bradshaw-like relationship with shoes, I apologize. Heels are for masochists--give me comfortable shoes (even if you think they're ugly) any day

Fall is my favourite season, but in March, give me spring! We're just at that time of year where our fed-upedness with winter actually gets gratified with some hints of spring that keep us from despairing that it will never come. It happens every year, but it never gets old. I love looking forward to spring almost as much I love the season itself.

The Good, the Bad, and the Middling

2009-03-09T09:46:00.003-04:00

The Good:

Innovations at the Four Seasons Centre--contemporary Canadian ballet rocks. Emergence was particularly good: grotesque and gorgeous, with a score that sounded like a cross between IDM and nature recordings. And because of the two contemporary lit classes that I took last term, I actually understood the theory behind it, which made me enjoy it more. Therefore, I take back my previous comment about finding contemporary art silly. Yes, it annoys me that striving to acknowledge the plurality and relativity of meaning in everything can tend to make everything somewhat meaningless, but I can deal with it.

A date with Rhianon & DaemonQ. They came into the city for dinner and a movie, and it was great to see them as ususal. We just saw them a couple of weeks ago, but we're good about seeing each other frequently, so it seemed like awhile. Of course, they got soaked in the freak rainstorm we had, which was not the best start to the evening, but dinner was good enough to make up for it, I hope.

One of the most perfectly balanced weekends we've had in awhile. We had grocery shopping time, working time, friend time, alone time, outside time, chilling time, looking-at-houses time...it was loverly.

44 Old Mill Terrace--one of the two houses that we went to see yesterday. It was gorgeous! A bit big for us (4 bedrooms), tons of stairs, and no backyard to speak of (it's a townhouse), but I fell in love with the light (windows everywhere, and there's a skylight on the top floor). After location and maintenance issues, light is the number one consideration for me in a house. Paint colours, I can change. Bad floors, I can change. But light? If I don't live in a place that gets enough (a.k.a our apartment in Halifax, and to some extent our apartment now), I'm a very unhappy camper. This place was drenched, even in the middle of winter, which can only bode well. However, we're not seriously looking right now, and we haven't been pre-approved for a mortgage yet, so no house for us yet. But maybe it'll still be on the market when we are looking for real. And if not, there are so many houses in the city that I could love, I don't think it'll be a problem.

The Bad:

The Watchmen: don't see it unless you've got an ass made of iron. God, the thing was bloody long! At least with Benjamin Button, I was so engrossed that I didn't notice that much. This one was torture. We got to a point where I think the whole audience thought it was about to be over, and when it wasn't, there were audible groans from the crowd. People got up to leave a split-second after the final scene ended. Yow. It was somewhat interesting, but not that interesting. And there was too much big blue full-frontal nudity for me. Malin Akerman is hot, though.

The service at Hot House Cafe. We got there at 6:15; Rhianon & DaemonQ showed up at about 6:40. We barely made our 8:00 movie. Dude! Does it need to take you 45 minutes to bring our our pasta? I think we'll go back to takeout.

507 Beresford Rd.--the first house we went to see yesterday. The floors were warped and creaky (ridiculously warped. The top floor must have sunk a good three inches from corners to centre), there wasn't a shower in the main bath (there wasn't a shower in the main bath???? I still can't get over this), the four rooms on the top floor had four different floors, and the only shower in the house was in the basement, which you had to get to by stairs that had treads about three inches deep (a.k.a. walking down sideways every morning). Oh, and the fact that the ceilings in the basement were about 5 feet, so the hubby couldn't have stood up in the shower had he wanted to. Neither could I, actually. Ridiculous! And the amount of money they wanted for it? That's Toronto for you. Thank god we don't live in New York.

If I don't bloody well sleep properly sometime in the next week, I'm going to kill someone. I haven't slept well in at least 10 days, and I'm going a bit nuts. I'm essentially subsisting on caffeine and hoping that I'm not being so grouchy that the hubby feels the need to escape. Can't figure out what's going on, but I'm going to have to soon, or else I'm going to start hallucinating from lack of rest.

The Middling:

I have a birthday coming up, but I can't figure out what to do. So, excited to be having a birthday, but stressing out about what venue to have it at. Will do some thinking and asking for advice. If you've got any, leave it in the comments.

I really don't want to edit the paper I've got due today, but I have to. Come on, will power!

One of the most beautiful things I've seen in awhile: Bon Iver a capella

2009-03-07T23:37:00.002-05:00

Music of the Moment: Extended Edition

2009-03-05T07:49:00.003-05:00

Playing on repeat:

Anything by Sun Kil Moon

Anything by Midlake

The Dodods: Visiter

Bon Iver: Blood Bank (Oh, and if you've never listened to For Emma, Forever Ago, please do. One of the albums that makes my life, and I've never met anyone who has listened to it who didn't absolutely adore it. One of those incredible, defining albums.)

Kings of Leon: Because of the Times (They're about as mainstream as I get, and they're fabulous. See exciting event planned below.)

Kings of Leon: Only by the Night

Anything by Animal Collective/ Panda Bear (different, but connected; I'm having a think right now about why I love avant-garde music, but I find the project of avant-garde art/poetry a bit silly--especially after taking two classes in contemporary lit this term. I'm going to have to figure that one out. This same question applies to my love [enduring passion] for Philip Glass; very contemporary, and I love it.)

Anything by Fleet Foxes

The National: Boxer

My Morning Jacket: Evil Urges

P hilip Glass: The Hours

Philip Glass: Solo Piano

Anything by Kiln

Upcoming Concerts:

Dr. Dog @ Lee's Palace
Kings of Leon @ the Air Canada Center

Tired but productive

2009-02-26T22:25:00.002-05:00

A quiet night tonight, which I spent watching Ugly Betty and CSI. I'm getting a bit tired of the Ugly Betty dramz. There seems to be major crisis after major crisis, without anything major changing in the structure of the show as a result. I do like what they're doing with character development--especially Betty's dad and Elena, Wilhemina, Daniel and Molly--but they need to make it go somewhere. Let's hope that the business going completely bankrupt has an impact.

CSI is definitely also a bit disappointing these days. The mystery solving is as good as ever, but I wish that the writers would let us get to know Lawrence Fishburne's character a bit better (like why does he wear a wedding ring, but we never see a spouse?). My favourite CSI story arcs are the ones with good character development along with the story, like the Miniature Killer arc, and the one where Nick gets buried alive. Hopefully, now that LF has had a bit of time to settle in, just that will happen. I will always miss Griss, though.

The hubby is out of town for the weekend (Blue Jays spring training in Florida, lucky duck), so I'm chilling on my own. It's good timing, as I've still got tons of writing to do before the end of the term, which is coming up fast. I've got 8/15 pages done on one paper, and 2/15 done on the other, so there's plent to get done. I'm feeling generally good about everything, though, and nothing is officially due until the 9th. And you know that seminar that I kept putting off in my strike coma, the one that haunted me for three months? I got a 94%. Go figure. I'm very pleased, though.

I'm not feeling mentally awake enough to write anyting too strenuous tonight, so another Facebook meme is is.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I think I was named after a soap opera character; or maybe Melissa Gilbert. You'll have to ask my mother. Either way, my parents weren't very creative, as there were 5 Melissa's in my kindergarten class, and there are 3 graduate-student Melissas at York this year. But my middle name is after my mom.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Hmmm...good question. Let me think. Oh yeah, during the Oscars telecast when Heath Ledger's family accepted his award.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I do, yes. It's tidy but quirky.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
I'm not a lunch meat fan, so I don't have a favourite one.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Not yet. Give me quite a few years and I'll get back to you.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I don't think I'd give myself a choice. I'm pretty damn friendly.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Who me? Never.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Absolutely. I haven't had the opportunity yet, but I'll figure it out one day.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Cold or hot? Hot: oatmeal. Cold: Captain Crunch (but never for breakfast).

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Not unless I have to.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Does frozen yogurt count?

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Facial expressions, I should think. Smiley/not smiley?

15. RED OR Pink?
Red.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
Do you really want to know? Inability to accurately judge my own work, messiness.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
I miss not seeing Hayl every day at work, but I still see her at least once a week, so we do pretty well for ourselves.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
If you want to copy this to Facebook/your own blog, be my guest. I like learning more about my readers.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
This seems like kind of a weird question. Maybe just for me--I'm normally on my computer at home, and so I rarely wear shoes while typing. Blue pants (jeans), no shoes.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The dishwasher.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Something in the bluey-green family (the shade of my winter coat & my shower curtain & my hand towels & my grocery bag, if that helps you picture it.)

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Fresh laundry, roasting chicken, and the hubby's cologne at the end of the day.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
The hubby.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Yeppers!

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Golf (yes, I'm a nerd) and hockey.

27. HAIR COLOR?
Really dark brown (almost black) with some grey thrown in there.

28. EYE COLOR
Medium browny-green.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No. I'm a glasses girl.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
I can't answer this one. It's dependent on a lot of things, like occasion, meal, mood, etc. But if I had to pick a last meal, it would definitely involve poached eggs on toast and steak, so those will do.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Scary thriller or scary horror? If the former, I'll take the scary. If the latter, I'll take the happy.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
X-Men, I believe.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Green cashmere sweater. Delicious. Thanks, Mom!

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
That's a hard one. Neither. But if I have to choose, summer...I'm learning to deal with the heat.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
This is like the food question--it totally depends!

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Hmmm...not Rhianon, I don't think. Mariecel, maybe?

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
See above.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
In the Skin of a Lion.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
My current mousepad is a copy of The Canadian Postmodern. It's a woman on a pedestal in a bathingsuit and swim cap.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
There aren't any good shows on Wednesdays, so nada.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S).
The ocean, the hubby talking in his sleep, the doorbell chime of my cell getting a text, wind in trees.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
The Beatles.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Japan. That's about as far as you can get without coming back the other way, isn't it?

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Hmmm...I'm still figuring that one out. I'm hoping that my special talent is being an academic. We'll see about that one.

46 WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Mississauga. Ooh, exciting. Not. Why couldn't I have been born in Edinborough or somewhere interesting?

47. WHO’S ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK
Anyone who chooses to respond!

Speedy Update Wednesday

2009-02-25T08:07:00.003-05:00

I spent the weekend alternating between Robarts library and Bowmanville, as it was Rhianon's birthday. I almost bailed, but I needed a break, and I can't pass up brunch. Every meal should be brunch
All I'm doing this week is writing papers (a.k.a. sitting in the library for 10 hours a day), voting for the new Graduate Program Director, tutoring, and having brunch with Sonia (it was delicious!). Take a read back to December 2007 entries--ditto everything
Everyone is my life seems to be going out of the country; Hayley is in Costa Rica, the hubby is going to Florida tomorrow, and my dad's on a business trip
In an attempt to decompress, I've been watching True Blood on the bus/subway. Best show I've seen in awhile. I finished the season in about three weeks
I won't be blogging properly until March 9th (when my two term papers and bibliography assignment are done), so please bear with me
And I'm off!

V-Day successfully avoided!

2009-02-18T08:05:00.002-05:00

We're not big Valentine's people, the hubby and I. It's overrated. And no, you're not going to hear me say that every day is Valentine's Day, even though I do buy myself flowers and wine regularly. That's just gross.

Instead of being all romantical, the hubby and I spent the weekend at J&M's old schoolhouse up north. Depending on the day, there were 10-15 of us crammed in, and it was good times. We always seem to do the same things up there, but they're always fun things. It kinda goes like this: make a fire, sit in front of the fire, drink, play guitar, sing, drink, eat, play board games, drink, play charades, eat, go for a hike, drink, play in the snow, read books, sleep, drink, eat more. I came home feeling relaxed and like I needed to go on a diet, which is the way it should be. And playing a running game of "Name 10/15/20 movies by...." in my head (the number goes up with popularity. We do 30 for Tom Hanks. It's fun.)

Fall term (yes, fall term!) ends on Thursday, which means that I've got until March 6th to get two papers done, and then winter term begins. I cannot wait. For one, I just want fall term to bloody well be over (three months behind schedule). For another, I'm ridiculously excited about my winter term classes (American 20th Century Public Intellectuals, Shakespeare's Tragedies, and Modernist Poetry), and can't wait to get started. March to June are going to be intense, as I'm taking three classes instead of two, and they're quite reading intense, but it's exactly what I need to FINALLY be fully in school mode. Happy happy joy joy.

And I'm off to get those final papers written...wish me inspiration!

It's going around...

2009-02-06T23:45:00.002-05:00

No, not the flu. Rather, the current Facebook meme that everyone from P.E.I. to California seems to be doing. My turn. Rules: You are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. You then have to request that your friends write the same meme, so that you can find out 25 random things about them. Go.

1. I am a natural born speed reader. An average novel will take me about two hours.

2. I don't really mind the nights when the movie is the hubby's choice and it's an action flick. I secretly love them.

3. I have no visual memory whatsoever. I don't remember things or faces, rather just the feeling that I get from people or things.

4. I rarely remember my dreams, but when I do, they're always weird and make me wake unsettled.

5. I've probably read Pride & Prejudice 50 times, the first when I was about 13.

6. I am a kick-ass cook, and I'm only getting better. It's my favourite hobby.

7. If you put a picture of me when I was five next to a picture of my dad when he was five, you'd think that we were fraternal twins.

8. I look just like my dad, but my personality is a combination of both my parents. The good parts of both, I hope.

9. I've known my husband since we were 16 years old, but we didn't start dating until seven years later.

10. I didn't get my driver's license until I was 24.

11. The most peaceful places in the world for me are sitting with the hubby, and the San-mon Gate at Chion-in in Kyoto. Nobody does Zen like the Japanese. Go at sunset and stay awhile.

12. I love babies, puppies and kittens--yes, in that order--but I'm happy to play with other people's until I can have my own.

13. Real estate hunting is my favourite past-time, along with watching HGTV, which I consider research.

14. I can't wait for September, when an amazing year will start: I will get paid to read for a year. How fabulous is that?

15. Very little makes me unhappy other than myself. I can generally make the best of any situation, almost to the point of naivete.

16. I am also completely lacking in cynicism.

17. If I'm busy, I'm very very busy, and very very happy. If I'm not busy, I'm miserable, and useless.

18. If I wasn't going to be a prof, I'd want to be a cooking show host/cookbook writer, photographer, interior designer, or writer. I plan on going all of these things at some point, whether as a hobby or a job.

19. It still has not completely sunk in that I am married. I'm not Mrs. C--that's my mum-in-law.

20. The older I get, the more amazing friends I have. I'm a lucky gal.

21. I'm a carnivore. Whack the cow on the head and send it through--that's how I like my meat.

22. I've only ever broken one bone in my body--my left wrist, the very first time I tried riding a bike without training wheels.

23. I am married to the most loved person I've ever known. It's ridiculous, and amazing. People just go nuts for him.

24. I've never hated being tall. Or having big feet. Or being clumsy. That's just me!

25. I'm still waiting to find my great talent. I'm not a dancer, an athlete, an artist...but there are still so many possibilities.

Recipe: Whole-wheat Lingine with Green Beans, Lemon and Ricotta

2009-02-04T09:35:00.004-05:00

Photo courtesy of Food Network.

I got Giada de Laurentiis's new cookbook at BMV a couple of weeks ago for the bargain basement price of $15 (normally about $40). I love her simple, homestyle Italian cooking (which is more authentic than Nigella's, and less complicated than Mario Batali's), aside from the fact that she looks like a bobble-head sometimes. This is one of her favourite quick, healthy dinners, and I decided to give it a go last night when Hayley came to stay. Our family loves pasta. In fact, it's a running joke that for the first few years of her marriage, my aunt Colleen never cooked anything but spaghetti. I'm not that drawn to pasta with tomato sauce (probably from too many years eating it as a kid), but pasta with brothy, eggy, or creamy sauces, I love. This one is creamy without being remotely heavy (and in fact doesn't involve any cream), which makes it a perfect everyday pasta. Unlike my spaghetti carbonara, which is a very special treat--and which I apparently haven't blogged the recipe for. Remind me to do that next time I make it.

INGREDIENTS:

1 lb. whole-wheat linguine (a whole box)
1/2 c. part-skim ricotta cheese
3 tbsp. olive oil
1/2 lb. green beans, trimmed and cut in half
1 clove garlic, chopped
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
1 cup halved cherry tomatoes
1 lemon, zested and juiced

INSTRUCTIONS:

Put the pasta on to boil in a pot of salted water
Heat the olive oil over medium heat; add the garlic, salt, pepper, and green beans. Saute for four minutes.
When the pasta water comes to a boil and you've added the pasta, remove 1 cup of pasta water and add to the green beans. Simmer while the pasta is cooking until the beans are tender.
Put the ricotta, lemon zest and juice in a large bowl. When the pasta is cooked, reserve another cup of the water, then drain and toss with the cheese.
Put the pasta in the pan with the green beans, tossing to combine. If the sauce seems too thick, add more of the pasta water.
Gently toss in the cherry tomatoes; check for seasoning, then return to the large bowl and serve.

Me being me, I of course had to up the lemon factor by adding the juice (Giada uses only the zest), but it adds a nice zing, and why waste a lemon? It turned out to be incredibly easy, yummy, and healthy. It was a breeze to make, didn't require too much prep, and everyone (being me, Hayley and the hubby) loved it. This recipe is a keeper. It always excites me when I find a recipe that I know will get incorporated into my repertoire of go-to meals. One day, I should make a list of those: all of the recipes that I can whip up on a moment's notice without the need of consulting a cookbook. What fun!

In Love with Productivity

2009-01-31T16:11:00.002-05:00

Today I have:

written my CV for my blanket applications (for eligibility to get teaching assistantships)

figured out How to Do Things with Words, both in the sense of making sense of it, and actually how to do things with words

helped a friend learn how to do a close reading of a passage from The Scottish Play

learned the philosophical justification behind the European colonization of the New World. It all has to do with the concept of terra nullius--fascinating! I'm working on a paper about the politics of naming and renaming land, and the hubby got me on the right track with thinking about how the Europeans would have felt like or legally had the right to rename places that the Natives had already named.

approached a professor supervise a directed reading course in editorial theory as related to editing Canadian modernist texts

found out that for one of my two classes this week, I don't have to do or bring anything but some ideas for my term paper

discovered what may be the best library at York for quiet and pretty studying: Frost @ Glendon; what a lovely place. Very much reminds me of the little library at Kings. And right now, I'm sitting by a big window, looking out at a lovely old house, a pond, some trees, and snow. What's under the snow is Glendon's famour rose garden, which is currently hibernating. How can you not be productive in a space like this? And it's only 20 minutes from home, versus an hour for York's main campus. I'd like to vote for all graduate programs in the Arts at York to be transferred to Glendon. After seven years in university, I think I've worked hard for some atmosphere.

Tonight is a picket party as our last hurrah before we head back to class, then meetings most of the day tomorrow. The fun of being a grad student never stops--even on weekends.

BTWL

2009-01-29T23:06:00.002-05:00

So, the back-to-work legislation passed today, and I'm back to being a teacher and student. Being me, and knowing me as well as I do, I of course got a ton of work done tonight, and I'll continue to do more tomorrow. I've still got two seminars, two term papers, a ream of marking, and a bibliography assignment to do in the next five-ish weeks, but it'll get done. I did 75% of the bibliography assignment this evening, so it was a good start.

I think that I'm going to be emotional about the end of the strike, but it's not going to sink in properly until a) Joanna's strike party on Saturday night, b) my first day back in class on Tuesday, and c) my first day back as a teacher on Friday. Until then, I get work done and keep an eye on myself and my friends to make sure that we're doing okay.

Bad Knitter with Good Yarn: Lessons I'm Learning Today

2009-01-28T20:23:00.001-05:00

Knitting:How To Cast On

Knitting:How To Knit The Knit Stitch

Knitting:How To Knit The Purl Stitch

Knitting:How To Knit A Cable Stitch
(This one I might try if I'm feeling very brave)