Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Post #100, a.k.a "fake it til you make it"

So I got an email from the conference organizer this morning (the one in May at Mount Allison in NB), talking about accommodations, registration fee, organization. And me being the person that I am and always having to have all the info, I decided to Google all of the email addresses of the participants to see who else is going to this conference. There are nine of us in total (it's a really little conference), but I have to say, the lineup is freaking me out a bit:

  1. Prof from Western
  2. Prof from Dal
  3. Another prof from Dal
  4. PhD student from NYU
  5. Prof from Mount Allison
  6. History grad student from the Maxwell School in Syracuse (not sure if MA or PhD)
  7. Me
  8. Prof from UPEI
  9. The organizer, who is also a prof at Mount Allison
So, I'm speaking at a conference with TWO of my professors (one of whom was my prof for the John Thelwall class; thank goodness she's going, because I'm feeling like I'm going to need a friendly face), and I'm in all probability going to be the youngest and least educated (in the not having already started my PhD sense) person there. Yikes!

So, here's my plan. Suck it up, edit my paper until it can't POSSIBLY get any better, and pretend that I am completely confident and not in the least bit nervous or intimidated. And you know what? I really know that I shouldn't be (my brain makes things much scarier than they really are), and I'm going to pretend that that actually makes a difference. But you all know I'm still going to be freaking out, just a little, inside. What can I say? I'm an obsessive perfectionist.

Why am I even thinking about this? I still have two papers to write, 12 to mark (had a good marking day today while I was proctoring exams), another colloquium abstract to write, a thesis chapter to present, and one really drunken night next Friday when the hubby is done his exams and I'm done my papers. If you'd care to join us at the Shoe Shop for beer and nachos, see you there! And now, I'm going to bed.